I hate superficial life here in Jitra. I don’t know why those stoopid minds keep stalking my presence. -WHAT? I’m too PRETTY and that distract the attention????! I feel fu*ked up everytime i turn up to that track. Eyes goggling, mouths sniggering.. And every instructors just like to disturb my instructor from giving me proper lesson. Don’t think I donno what’s the meaning behind that sniggering devilish grin. GOD! People here are so pathetic! Cakap to my parents pun nothing i can get. They just don’t get it. All they think is that I don’t catch up and always melawan the instructor. I don’t wanna elaborate more to them. They just don’t get it. I HATE people here!!!!
I have met a lot of people like these but meeting a bunch of them and have to stuck up to them is so dissapointing. i feel humiliated but of coz i dont blame myself. i love myself and i will never blame myself for anything. IT IS THEM who are supposed to feel ashamed ! A##hole !
** NOTIFICATION UPDATES
I’ve passed the first hurdle today. But why I don’t FEEL happy but sad?! I don’t understand wy that old bloody pakcik JPJ tu keep making some gesture and conotation yg menyakitkan hati. Dahlah he addressed himself to me as "I" !!! For example :-
- "U buat apa kat rumah? Kniiting,cooking? (gelak-gelak)
- "Tengok tangan dia nih bersih. Anak bertuah" (gelak-gelak excited)
- "Boleh tinggalkan no fon kat I. Nanti senang nak kontek2x ke haper ke" (kenyataan yg paling babi and disertai tersengih yang kurang ajar)
TAK KER B*BI TUH??? Luckily lah i got PR (public relation) skill sket2x yg bley dipraktikkan. just pretend jer lah gelak-gelak sambil fire balik tapi dlm hati tuh – "WHAT THE FU*K IZ YOUR PROBLEM OLD MAN?!!" Sick betoi la org sini. Dahlah instructor2x kat sini tgk mcm la tak penah tgk orang, ni JPJ plak ! But of coz i can’t say out loUd to people. They might even laugh out loud (including my parents). I feel like crying coz i felt HUMILIATED but i just can’t. I’m helpless but I don’t blame Lord SWT for what I’m. I understand that every creations has the setback… and that’s including my face. For some people, my kinda-face is the one worth dying for (i’m not boasting or even proud of it. it’s just a fact) = what they say? Jambu? – PUHLEEZE! – I dont ever have that in my life dictionary (being dramatic). I’m not blaming Allah SWT instead amat bersyukur dgn kurniaan Allah SWT (Astaghfirullah). Tapi what happen happens. This ‘fatal’ beauty has caused a lot of stir in my life. The poison letter, the misusing of my pictures by culprits, unwanted sexual gestures by UNIMAGINABLE people,etc. But then jgn salah sangka. I’m GRATEFUL dgn kurniaan Allah SWT dan sama sekali tidak menyalahkan-Nya sbb i believe in destiny dan fate. Apa yg Allah jadikan ada hikmah-Nya. Cuma sbg insan yg lemah kadangkala kita terfikir melampaui pengetahuan kita. Whatever it is, this is just coretan terkilan. Saya TETAP bersyukur dan ingin Allah teruskan nikmat yg diberikan oleh-Nya.
P/s: I’m not a person who give a damn about tO livin up to ppl’s expectation but sometimes i’m just ANGRY and humiliated with the way some UGLY people / so-called ‘NORMAL’ people reacted towards me. I know if this were to happen to someone out there who never really got noticed by people everywhere he/ she goes , he/ she ‘d probably LOVE all these!…. but SORRY ! NOT ME.