(Death). Puffy Eyes. No White Flag.

I cried the whole night alone in the room thinking about it. I tried to not make it so obvious because Mak was like eavesdropping. She sensed something went wrong when I came back from IPDA and busied myself with assignments without talking much to her. I cried and cried thinking about the name and about it. It makes my body shivered with sudden rush of melancholy and I feel headache and so weak. My friends and lecturer were asking about my sombre facade. I tried to fake smiles in front of them – I don’t want to cause any negative-aura yet again. But everytime I think about YOU, my heart just melted broken-hearted. If YOU were reading this, know that YOU were the best thing that ever happened to me but I guess this is sign from God. I can’t tolerate to be the second-best. As hard as I tried to confine my negative thoughts, I am just hopeless. I am destined to be alone.

And we meet, Which I’m sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I’ll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that I’ve moved on…

Dangerously Crazy.

KL/Putrajaya Rendezvous : A Whole New World.

Just had my so-called 4 days holidays in KL/Putrajaya. On whole, it was a memorable one. Red letters and indescribable. Thanks to everyone who make an effort to make my holidays there a nice one although I understand the busy schedule you guys are leading! You guys are just the best *aww*.

On 3.20 PM of 14th March 2009, me and Mak departed from Alor Star airport and sampai at KLIA about 4.20 PM. We took the ERL and reached Putrajaya/Cyberjaya ERL station and saw Abg Zam with Rifqi were waiting for us. I’m so happy to meet my nephew. He seemed so active although a lil’ bit peaky, I have to say. Kakak was waiting in the car as it was actually raining cats and dogs. Oh My God! I can’t describe the sentimental nostalgic mood I was having that time when I finally set my footsteps at Putrajaya – after 3 months away. Seeing the familiar places I used to roam around for the last 0ne and half years ago (during my banking tenure) bring nostalgic mood – Mak was like giggling and said I’m being my classic me – over sensitive! *rofl*. We went to Alamanda for lil’ bit of shopping (for Mak more like) and then headed to Restoran Soto at Sungai Merab (which so happened near Ardeanna’s house).

On 15th March, I went to Midvalley to meet up with fellow ex-colleague bankers Regie and Yatie. Unfortunately Moana, the ‘Moan’ (ahhaha) couldn’t make it. It was nice to see them back and catch up with each and everyone’s life! So happened that all of us were no longer being employed by FORMER BANK (hehee). Yatie now is working at a multinational bank whereas Regie was at the verge of deciding whether to take the new post; she then told us that she decided to follow her heart and we were just happy for her! Go Regie! =). A get-together at Chicken Rice’s Shop couldn’t get better and we then headed to Times Square! Wow, it’s just nostalgic seeing Times Square- a place I used to roam for time killing (after work,etc). I always like Times Square because it has less crowd, spacious but commendable exclusivity (sort of). Around 7.45 PM, I headed to Kl Sentral to meet up with Kat a.k.a. Kathleen Nandong! Been ages since I last saw her and we just catch up what’s -hot-and-not in our lives. I appreciate her for making an effort to meet me although she was so tired as she just finished her induction day back at Kuala Kubu Bharu! Dressed up in her induction long-sleeves shirt, we simply had our chat at Rasamas. Miss her so much and I’m glad with what is happening in her life now a.k.a. Cloud 9 (Hahahhaa).

The tomorrow, I met up with Imat. From Midvalley (yeah, again!), we went to Universiti Islam Antrabangsa’s compound at Gombak to ambil some of his supplier’s goods (sort of). It was raining heavily and the traffic was like so congested with vehicles; so we practically roam around (in the car) around Gombak, Taman Melawati, etc (I really have bad memories on places in KL). Although it was drizzling, we then went to Taman Tasik Titiwangsa (yeah, I’ve never been there. Shame me, I know!). We called it a day off at Kl Sentral (My fav spot? LOL!) after we had dinner there. Thank you Imat for the time and everything =)

The last day, I was thinking of meeting up with Naz but he was so busy with endless meetings. I totally understand that and appreciate him making an effort to try make an effort to see me. Takda rezeki la kot. But anyway, I’m quite OK with that as I get to spend quality times with my nephew. I’ve been busy going-out and yet to spend time with him. Mak was like saying that Rifqi was looking for me the day before. I just love him to death although I’m not a baby-sitting type. He has gone to be very active although a lil bit peaky but quite cheeky as well. It just so magical to hear him calling “Ye Ye!!!” *rofl*  The last day I became the ‘kuda-kuda’ for him and everything possibly can although Mak was the one who did all the poop-washing (hahaha). That evening after Kakak and Abg Zam came back to work, all of us went to KLIA. Mak and I boarded the 8.10 PM flight and off back to Jitra.

Above all, it was a magical holiday. An ensemble of nostalgic mood and corny cliches, it all creates a whole new world. Alhamdulillah. =) And suddenly this song comes into my mind when I come across the word “A Whole New World.” Hehhee. Timeless song. DON’T LIE!!! I KNOW YOU GUYS LOVE THIS ALTHOUGH IT’S CHILDLIKE/CHILDISH! =).  It’s all so magical…

The Ugly Alter Ego Of A Childlike.

I have double faces. I can be saccahrine sweet in one time and the other time, a fu*king bastard, I know! Last week and yesterday were filled with these ‘Gemini symptoms.’ My KPLI mates knows me for being bubbly and cheeful childlike but last week, I just showed them a taste of my ugly side.

There are quite number of events that my class have to organized; namely the IPDA’s road relay and also since we are taking PJK (Physical Education) as one of our minors, we are to be involved in Pendidikan Luar – which meant camping at Langkawi on next month April! Therefore for both events, we are to organize the committees and to deliberate tasks accordingly. While we were having a lecture in lecture hall ( I know!), Raymond was like having a hush-hush discussion with Nurul and all to pick me as the Pengerusi for Road Relay! I was furious! I told them adamantly (in a subtle tone first) that I don’t think I can be the Pengerusi since I am not sure whether I am capable of doing it (I’m full of confidence myself. The real reason is I don’t wanna be associated with tiresome un-credited work. Bad me, I know). But Raymond was like insisting saying that I have the leadership qualities (gah!!) and he saw that in my class activities (Of course, I have no qualm in taking charges in class activities because I am confortable in giving direction over small group that I can navigate). This time, he hit the NERVES! I stormed off and saying that I DON’T WANT TO BE NOMINATED AND IF THEY DO IT, I AM GONNA REJECT THE POST!!! I guess they were dumbfounded and were like – OK… So I remained sulking for the next 30 minutes of the lecture. My mood spoilt.

The next day, I did my Gemini ‘thang’ again. We were discussing about the banner we were to do for Maulidur Rasul and also the Communication Malay subject’s activity-where we have to organize a classroom event; therefore we are to pick who’s-who for the roles in the event. The discussion become draggy as everyone refuses to speak their mind on what slogan shall be put onto the banner and also who are supposed to be who in the Communication Malay subject’s event. I becamse impatient, temper arisen and shot my sharp tongue! In the end, my slogan was used onto the banner – “Rasulullah Mutiara Sepanjang Zaman” and I to become the MC Agung for the Communication Subject’s event along with Sarah. Done! While doing the banner, the whole class was joking and clowning around. The atmosphere was somehow irritates me and got I get carried away by almost kicked Anisah’s face! She was stunned and I saw her face changed. And addition of slat to the wound, I bombarded her - “Shut Your Mouth!‘ She was motionless but I couldn’t care less that time.

Bowling Club at Jitra Mall.

Yesterday, I was moody for the whole morning. My face was stoned and sour. Everyone was wondering and afraid to tegur me. Why I was moody? My mind was SATURATED with mountainous assignemnts and apart from rasa kemalasan to start the day after weekend; and not to mentioned had a rough nite (no need to explain that). But of course as the day gradually proceed dah nak dekat tengah hari and I got the SMS and the call, my mood was OK already. I confronted Anisah yesterday and apologize to her (she confessed that she was offended but being an “otai” girl herself, she’s cool with it. I told her to straight away fire up if she didn’t feel like what I do the next time). After presentation of English Subject – on the Principles and Strategies On How To Teach Grammar (which I was quite satisfied) , I make an announcement to the class, apologizing for my bad behaviour that morning. Everyone was like laughing and our teacher, Pn Faridah ak.a. Patricia Ann was ok with that.

Yesterday night, we have a replacement class for the subject Ilmu Pendidikan with Miss Tina and so happened we learnt about self-personalities (darn!); she was like explaining sifat kendiri positif and negatif and she singled me out as the example :

Shahrill, your friends told me you are sensitive. But you like to smile and talk a lot, arr?Are you like that?

And all of my classmates go like :-

Yes!!! He’s moody!!! 

And then Miss Tina was like saying :-

Tu dia…Shahrill dah marah dah…senyum la sket.. Hhahahah

In my heart was like – DAMN!!!! Hahhaha…but I guess that’s the thing I have to control. Anger management and to try to remain poise in whatever situation. I’m still learning. And thanks to all my KPLI mates for being VERY tolerable and understanding. I guess I have to go out from the coccoon label as the ‘adik bongsu’ of the class. THANKS TO ALL and also to YOU for being patient mendengar segala cerita-cerita ni via telefon. I really appreciate that. Sweet of YOU. =)

The Song For The Halo.

So far Alhamdulillah, I truly feel blessed with what is happening in my life; professionally and personally, I supposed. Like usual, life back to the institute proves to be very hectic with mountainous assignments (comprises of presentations, event organizing, etc; Maybe one these days later, I will enlist ALL OF THE ASSIGNMENTS THAT I HAVE TO DO. An eye-opener for people who aspire to be KPLI student like me!.

I am savouring each days now. Your presence is much appreciated in time when I feel down. Maybe it won’t be an everlasting one but the sincerity shown is something I will cherish forever. This song for you.

Apapun juga akhirnya

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