Therapeutic Consoling For Childlike. 21st June 2009.

This is it. Tomorrow will be my first day for my Practical at SK Sultanah Asma, Alor Setar.  Quite nervous actually because all these time, Raymond and I are like been bombarded with this behemoth illustration that the school is an elite school and as a staff we need to buck ourselves up. The school more or less can be compared like SK Batu Lanchang in Penang; where most of well-to-do families send their children there; ranging from the Datuks and some royalties.

The New Makkah Robe that my parents bought for me. Alhamdulillah & Thanks! Kinda like it. For more pictures, log on to my Facebook Website. (Erk???) LOL!

Nonetheless, put that aside. I am always ready for a challenge. I can’t deny that I am nervous but still it is manageable. The thirst to prove The Doubters and The Haters are slowly seeping into me (erk???) and although it is not going to be easy, but Insya Allah, everything will be fine. And yeah, I got Raymond too for any inter-personal communication glitches, aite?  Always have faith in yourself. Hehehe… Insya Allah.

P/s:  A letter to Childlike. Dated Sunday, 21st June 2009. At 12.31 A.M.

J’Adore.

Being human sometimes you tend to take things for granted. You never know you are being blessed with The Grace and keep complaining over trivial matters. Like any other imperfect being, I am no exclusion in that.

Despite my unorthodox and compulsive thoughts, fetishes or opinions over some controversial matter, I am still loved by people around. Family and friends are being very patient and dedicated throughout these years. With all the loves, I am able to defy the Doubters and The Haters all over and over again. Life has not been a bed of roses for me. Given my “pin-up boy” face and stature, haters and doubters keep coming trying to pull me down. It is the fact of life I have to face. Only when I opened my mouth and starting to siphon-out my ideas; everyone was in awe and  fixated. It happened and it will happen again. And again.

It takes a lot of courage to be me. But of course, I am just grateful that I am loved by; if not all, a few; people who are genuine and kind. I just want to take this opportunity to express that how much I appreciate each one of you who came and out of my life and of course the most important thing of all is appreciating those loyal faces who stand by me throughout the cliches and the corny moments of my life. Sometimes I may not say it literally; all I can do is to transcript my appreciation in this blog. And sometimes when you are already accustomed to defend yourself, your inner alter-ego becomes icy and egocentric. You are defensive. Because you always stand on the axis that no one can help you except of yourself. You are yourself ’s best friend.

I don’t believe in regrets. It’s a dangerous habit to get into — it makes you pause your life if you start thinking back and questioning yourself.”

(Quoted by Angelina Jolie)

Avant-Garde : Playing With The Ray of Twilight.

A Twilight Tete-A-Tete With Syafique @ Jitra, Kedah.

In the crowd of new faces, the old one always make a way coming back at you. It is nice to know that your friend appreciates you and make and effort to come and see you amidst chaotic life. Syafique Ghause, my friend from USM paid a visit from Sungai Petani today; accompanied by his brother. Like Kat, Syafique always make an effort to meet me during holidays and I really appreciate that.

It is nice to reminisce back and catch up what’s-hot-and-not in our mutual lives and had a roam around good ole’ provincial Jitra and also had a peek on our beloved alma mater Institut Pendidikan Guru Malaysia Kampus Darulaman @ IPDA!  Although his house was trespassed by burglars few days ago, he still manage to pay me a visit and it’s just overwhelming. The tete-a-tete (well not exactly one!) was a brief one but was enough to evoke nostalgic memories pondered especially the ones back in USM. Syafique was actually a friend of Zhafry back in Penang Matriculation College (KMPP) but at that time, we didn’t really befriend each other- more of a “hi hi bye bye’ acquaintance @ familiar face. But it so happened that we were in the same course – Biological Science at USM and from then on, we just clicked. It’s funny that throughout the several years, Zhafry and I didn’t call much ( I expect he’s busy with his life VERY MUCH) and grew apart, Syafique and I became the best of friends! Ain’t life is funny?

As a friend, I am wishing him the best in his life and knowing now he’s in the place where he’s very happy with it (hehehe), I just wish happiness for him. Insya Allah by God’s Willing, friendship never ends=)

Icy. Aloof.

It is 6 A.M. in the morning. There’s time when I just feel that I am better off alone. So much dramas and trivial shenanigans I don’t need. I guess the facade I am projecting doesn’t reflect my real alter-ego inside. I am not the angelic childlike everyone perceives. Opposite the ‘cutesy’ facade. Stubborn. Icy. Aloof.

My blog has always been my salvatory valve. This is the place where I pour mostly when verbal words are hard to explore. Don’t get me wrong. I love having friends and being surrounded by people and being splurged with attentions and loves. But sometimes I need my space and time to be alone. Maybe it is God’s Sign to say : “It’s time to bail out!”. I want to make the decision. FAST. Before it becomes fatal and killing my me softly. Maybe people say I am a freak for that. Maybe people say I am psycho-demented. Maybe people say I am an egocentric.

I never pay heed. I just don’t like to be forced to do what I don’t want to do. I have always been very honest to myself the way I feel or the way I think. It will be an injustice for me to do what I don’t want to do. It’s done. I am bailing out.

“Crazy isn’t about being broken; or swallowing a dark secret.

It’s you, or me, amplified…”

(Dialogue taken from the movie “Girl, Interrupted”)

A Night Rendezvous With Ms Kitty Kat.

A true friend treasures and appreciate others despite hectic schedules or busy working life. I have learned that it takes two to tango- what’s the point of a friend eagerly want to have a meet-up if the other friend always snub the first party, aite? I have also learned that there is no point of sticking up to those who don’t even make effort to contact or ‘prolong’ the friendship. I am no more that person who likes to keep in touch constantly with long-lost ‘friends’. I am very much developing that new leaf as I now getting older. It’s all about appreciating those who really appreciate you - quid pro quo.

Anyway, so much of the nondescripted topic. Just went out with Kat, one-third of the D-Club (Hahahha..shoo!) and had a blast time albeit it was quite a short stint. Whenever I’m in KL, I’ve always make an effort to meet up with her and so does she although I know that her professional life can be quite hectic!! My heart just goes to the effort of her spending quality time with me – and also reliving our ritual Baskin’ Robbins outing (which we used to do quite often back in USM along with Efy every 31st every months!!!!). It was just a simple tete-a-tete; updating what’s hot-and-what’s-not in each others’ life and also talk about life and share mutual philosophical experiences. Yet, it was just therapeutic to savor the moment with one of your best friends. When I think back, we’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs, losing lovers, losing jobs, disheartening plunge-to-the-abyss moment, teary days….Those are simply enveloped in a canvas one called LIFE. 

When the sun shine,
we shine together
Told you I’ll be here forever
Said I’ll always be a friend
Took an oath I’ma stick it out till the end
Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

(“Umbrella” by Robyn Rihanna Fenty)

You Get The Best Of Both World! : Au Revoir School, Hola Hols!

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep tryin
Got to keep my head held high

(“The Climb”- OST ‘Hannah Montana The Movie’)

The last week before the holiday at Institut Pendidikan Guru Malaysia (IPGM) Kampus Darulaman was emotionally draining-nostalgic yet therapeutic. Well, imagine a number of Practical briefings slots, 2 macroteaching (PJK and English) and dateline for paperwork submission were all SQUEEZED IN within that 5 fateful days?!

On the Tuesday night, we had the Malay Communication Event Night where we had to organize a so-called formal get-together for the subject and the lecturer would evaluate us from the perspective of protocol and how-we-organize-the-VIPs thingies. I was entrusted as the Master of Ceremony of the Night along with Sarah and have to say that with lil’ bit of teasing, spontaneous ‘pantun’ and self-fooling, we managed to control the flow of the event and even our Malay Communication’s lecturer, En Shafiee was quite impressed. Not to boast or whatsoever; more like a satisfactory siphon-out; En Shafiee complimented me for being able to control the event with spontaneous continuities and he hinted that his wife said he should be giving me an ‘A’ for that!~ Hhahaha…nonetheless, I should compliment Sarah my co-host (albeit she was nervous) and all my classmates for showcasing wonderful cooperation despite being late!!! But of course, right after En Shafiee left, all of us went WILD!! Grabbed the microphone and sang our heart out!~ Karaoke-ing, acapella and all!!!! Hhahaha…the moment letting our hairs down y’all. Gosh..I’m missing each one of them as I’m typing these very words…. =(

On Thursday which happened to be the last day, my turn to do English macroteaching. I decided to use all the skill I had back during school days – storytelling! Still remember those days back at SRK Padang Tembak and lower Secondary (Form 1,2 and 3) at Penang Free School, I’d always being very active in activities like public speaking (elocution, debate, forum, storytelling) both in Malay & English. I was the 3 year consecutive winner of English storytelling competition back in SRK Pdg Tembak and same went for the Malay counterpart. I’m not boasting; it’s all about reminiscing the past…. Anyway for the lesson, I chose Focused Skill as in Speaking and Integrated Skill as in Listening. In accordance to the ‘bible’ Curriculum Specification, my Learning Outcomes of the lesson should be that by the end of the lesson, pupils should be able to:

1. Listen to and enjoy stories, fables and other tales of imagination and fantasy and predict outcomes, and draw conclusion at a level suited to the pupils’ ability.
2. Talk about the people, places and moral values of the stories heard, read and viewed in simple language.

As a primary school teacher, there is no space to be shy. It’s all about being clownish and unleash the jester in you (erk??). So I chose the antiquated fable ‘Snow White & The Seven Dwarves” which happened to be the story I told for my Standard 6’s storytelling back at SRK Padang Tembak in the year 1996 and cemented my reigning status as the school’s story-teller! Hahaha! With teaching aids like a self-made mask (which I used collages of newspapers sticked onto the carboard masked; with a crooked nose, no less!), a black cloak to disguise myself as the The Evil Queen’s alter-ego, The Old Lady and a convincing devilish-maniacal cackle I imitated from the Read-Along Cassette “Snow White & The Seven Dwarves” I bought prior to the 1996 storytelling, the set induction went well! Besides trying to gauge pupils’ ability to come out with their own alternative ending to the fable “Snow White”, I also introduced the “Golden Sac Among The Red Sacs” game to render the lesson in various flows. Alhamdulillah, my lecturer Pn Faridah @ Patricia Ann Faiz was satisfied with the lesson I conducted and she rated that as an ‘A” lesson!!!!! Thanks to Mak’s help for meluangkan masa menjahit all those sacs as teaching aid, I was happy that my hard work paid-off and lecturer was satisfied with the performance. And also to my beloved classmates too!!!!

Well, on Sunday 31st May 2009, Mad, Kord and I gathered at Aidi’s Taman Siswa House to finish up all our paperwork consisting Science Macroteaching and Malay Communication, Music Lesson Plan and as for me the Bowling paperwork. And oh yeah, on Saturday Night, IPDA’s Bowling Club organized our very own Indoor Tournament at Jitra Mall. Alhamdulillah, also a considerable success without any major glitches!!

On 1st June 2009 which marked my 25 years living on Earth a.k.a my birthday, Mak, Ayah and I pushed off to KL as both my parents would be going to Umrah on the 4th June. So happened that rezeki Mak and Ayah to be sponsored by our well-to-do cousin Abg Jie (who happened to live in Lumut and came down to see my at Pangkor pier when I was loading perkakasan Pendidikan Luar, remember???). He sponsored the whole entourage of 11 people. Alhamdulillah rezeki my parents…=) Pushed off at 3.30 P.M. and arrived at KL around 11.30 P.M. It was nostalgic to set footsetps (not literally) again in Putrajaya and KL…reminiscing the old days in the Bank?..maybe… and my nephew Rifqi has become so cheeky and clever!! Hhehee..he really misses me I guess; always bugging and tag along me that little tyke; Yalah, dah duduk dengan dia still masa kecil lagi for one year and a half! =)

Had a small close-knitted makan-makan at Johny’s for my birthday (it’s all about the steamboats!) and met up with Muzem and Ayip. Yesterday, we did our own Amazing Race- from Berjaya Times Square to Pavillion to Affin Bank HQ to Alamanda, Putrajaya! I showed Muzem and Ayip the bank I used to work (ah…kinda missed the old hustle-bustle life) and showed them all the spots I used to pass by at Jalan Raja Chulan. I guess both of them didn’t expect that Jalan Raja Chulan is the financial hub and they were quite captivated by the skycrapers and the so-called ‘corporate’ setting there- tall buildings and Boston-like (Ally Mcbeal?) setting. Well, it was nice showing my friends what used to be my world but I didn’t have any inkling of regret bailing out from it and neither do I regret for choosing this less-glamorous life as a teacher. Insya Allah, education is my forte. I do miss all my banker colleagues especailly those in Affin Islamic; wonder if they remember me? Anyway, after a few jaws-dropping and exclamation of disbeliefs by Muzem and Ayip (lol!~ exaggerating much? Hhahaha..); we went to Alamanda, Putrajaya since practically every cinemas were packed with crowds!!! Public holiday- Agong B-day, aite? DAULAT TUANKU…!

Catched ‘Hannah Montana’ movie – erk???? I KNOW!! Well, initially it was not the plan but since there wasn’t any movie screened in the nearest possible time, we chose the Disney tween’s. My outcome? 3 stars outta 5! The marketing of Hannah Montana proves Disney’s versatility in producing market for tweens- after Lizze MacGuire and That’s So Raven! And the film briliantly uses the special connection father-daughter relationship between Miley Cyrus and daddy ol’ Billy Ray Cyrus as the heart of the story- and I’ve always a fan of country music and setting; so to see the movie taking place back at Tennesee and Nashville music, I was having my time watching it. I donno why but I’ve always like the idea of wherever you go, you always ought to remember your hometown; the raw and antiquated country self of you…Hannah maybe the pampered teen sensation in California but back in Tennesee, she’s just a raw cowgirl y’all =) That’s something I think everyone should realize and remember. As for me, I always remember that. Wherever I go, it’s always my family and my origin that keep me grounded. And the lyrics in the song “The Climb”, the official theme song for the movie really hits me deep. Honest and raw. I remembered that the song berjaya membangkitkan my semangat when i was dealing with my personal and professional conflicts for these past few months….

Last but not least, Happy 25th Birthday Childlike! I would like to extend appreciation to all the wishes and treat (Muzem!!!TQ) for the birthday. For me, the thoughts that count. The wishes and greetings are tokens of the remembrances from all of you to me. I really appreciate each one of them and it makes me realize who appreciates me and who doesn’t. It’s the thoughts that count… Love y’all =)

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
theres always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb