Notification: Another emotional entanglement in Childlike’s Mind.
Why do people always judge others thru appearances? Superficial antics yet it’s so very true. I have been perusing these matter for over years and still can’t figure out why it happens all the time! Pride oftenly produces inkling and prejudice never will be waned when hatred conquer the hearts. Cliche but constitutional.
Personally, all my life I never experienced all of these things up until my university years. My primary and secondary schools years were bed of roses (much that the surroundings were in your grasp, why bother huh?)…came the matriculation year when i faced the first challenge. I felt so alienated there and really was not ready to blend myself with the new environment and I guess that was the reason why this prejudice thingy came about. My first semester was horrible there and I did not enjoy my life there and hate the science-orientated subjects (except for english ‘coz not many people good in it,hark!). I began to bury myself with english writting and did my ‘thang’ (elocution) as a solace and my circle of frens are simply cooped up within my Frees friends (they are the best!they knew i was lonely and tried to spend quality time wit me!That’s why i love Penang Free School so much!), Aida (my practicum mate cum my twin english maestros in our class) and Marina (my bestfren from primary skool, stucked up wit me in that practicum). I did not really mixed with my practicum mates and totally being a recluse (which was a bit of a culture shock becoz back in PFS, i was the ‘in’ crowd). To cut short, as the dreadful semester passed by, i heard rumors that some bitchy gals tried to do their ‘mean gal thang’ (which was a bit stupid when i come to think of it) and planned to boycott me! The real reason? I dunno. I guess they felt irritated that I talked a lot in and outshone them in english classes!And of course there was this backtalking saying that Marina and I were an item!I was really pissed off but I did not blurt anything to these biatch~ I mean, I dont really know how to handle ‘bitchying’ situation wit mean girls at that time ‘coz back in PFS, we did not do these backstabbing or ‘bitchying’ (DUH< it’s a all-boys’ skool!). Not until after i represented my matriculation in KAKOM (inter matriculation fiesta) in english elocution that these ‘bicthy’ gals tried to make a patch and befriended me. Totally (till now), I still hold grudge to ’em but I never let it out loud. True, after that I gradually monopolyze the whole attention of the practicum and i was in my PFS glorious days again~hehe..you what they say : I come. I see. I conquer =)
Then came the University life. An introduction to a whole new world of "MEN" version of backtalking, backstabbing and superficial adversities. It was one of the most unforgettable lesson in my life but I cherished them forever. I was in the midst of faces who knews every little dark secrets about everyone and spreaded them hushly behind each others’ back! and also there was secret diggings (intentionally with skills, of course!) and what upset me the most were of course the hearsays I heard from chains of ‘secretkeepers’ about some backtalking about me…*sigh* Really, at that time I never thought it would happened becoz those faces seemed very trustworthy and enjoyed my company! It turned out that some people were ‘ashamed’ of walking wit me or be seen by their ‘non-in-the-circle’ friends talking to me! I was pissed off,dude! I mean, DUH! If we were to think properly in this right universe, IT WAS ME WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO FEEL ASHAMED OF WALKING WITH THAT PEOPLE! I mean, (not to be harsh or bragging or an a**hole), THEY ARE SIMPLY UNATTRACTIVE, UGLY BIG GOLDFISHES MOUTHED GEEKS!! Still, I didn’t care much of hanging out with these big losers becouase I respect the sanctity of friendships! Wonder how i knew the stories?well, there are loads of ‘secretkeepers’ in teh inner circle, dude (or ‘dudettes’ I supposed!). But I told myself from then on, i have to rely on myself1 I can’t be stucked up with these backtalkers ‘coz they were not trustworthy and ashamed of me (?)! That’s when I decide to join CONVex and met a lot of cool new people who were not judgemental and i felt i was me again. THE Shahrill Ramli from Padang Tembak and Penang Free School !
Up until my final days in USM, i’ve learnt a lot about mingling with people. Never to trust people easily. Observed them first carefully.Now, those people who I always hanged out and spent most of my time togezzer are people who NEVER JUDGE ME FROM THE OUTSIDE. They respect me for who I am as I respect them too in a same honorable way. Sadly, as for the ‘pengumpat’..I’m a vengeful person. I don’t forget easily. I maybe in good term with you but i never WILL forget whatever hush-hush backtalkings I heard from the INTERTWINED chains of ‘secretkeepers’….Do Well to remember THAT!
p/s: I’m never a judgemental person or i will ever be. I only become monstrously mean @ ‘biatchee’ when some scumbags tried to be superior to me by judging me. Quid Pro Quo Rule >> I’m hollerin’ back ‘atcha!~