Congratulation to my ‘adopted’ state, Kedah for winning the coveted FA CUP tonite against Perlis, with the aggregate 4-2 in Stadium Batu Kawan, Penang.
Suatu perlawanan yg sangat mendebarkan di mana kedua-dua pasukan saling menggasak, especially Perlis; pertahanan mantap dan corak permainan smooth & sleek. Diikuti dengan 15 minit pertama dan kedua; perlawanan diakhiri dengan penalti yg mendebarkan! Tonite is the nite for all of us, NORTHERN REGION PEOPLE !!!!~ Orang Utara Rule The House Y’all !
– Anyway, this month of June witnessed my profile being viewed 667 times. Probably due to the fact I lamenting abt PTD thingy or the controversial shower-picture. Anyway, it still can’t top last month’s 705 times. (hurm ?…)
Subject on pyschology is a delicate matter. An interrupted and disturbed psychology is even more dangerous than the sharpest knife. String of movies with this theme are the epitomes of what we can visualize the impact on such delicate matter when meddled.
Filem seperti "Gia" (starring Angie); about a bisexual supermodel in the late 70s yg killed herself due to excessive use of drugs is one example. Another is "Girl, Interrupted" (also staring Angie as Lisa and Winona Ryder as the main protagonist) is an adaptation on a novel based on a memoir seorang pesakit jiwa yg mengalami masalah split-personality / bipolar syndrome. And another one spectacular movie is the Academy Award winning "The Silence of The Lambs".
Filem ini menggondol 5 anugerah utama Academy Awards pada tahun 1991; dengan gelaran Pelakon Lelaki & Wanita Terbaik (Anthony Hopkins & Jodie Foster), Pengarah Terbaik, Sutradara Terbaik (Adaptasi) dan Filem Terbaik. Anthony Hopkins sebagai Dr. Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter merupakan seorang psikologist yg dipenjarakan kerana melakukan pembunuhan kaniballisme. Apabila seorang pembunuh bersiri yg suka menyiat kulit mangsanya; yg merupakan bekas pesakit Lecter mengganas, FBI menghantar seorang trainee, Clarice Sterling (Foster) untuk mendapatkan pertolongan Lecter. Lecter bersetuju tetapi dengan syarat Clarice mesti mendedahkan kisah peribadinya kepada Lecter sepanjang pertukaran informasi jenayah itu.
Sebenarnya psikologi merupakan suatu bidang yg cukup berkuasa. Ia merupakan elemen dalaman yg tak dapat kita zahirkan. Mungkin dari segi fizikal kita tidak akan menyangka seseroang itu boleh bersifat di luar dugaan; tetapi kita tidak tahu bahawa mungkin bahagian yaang tersembunyi itu makin lama menguasai diri individu itu dan dia boleh bertindak di luar jangkaan dalam sesuatu masa tertentu.
It’s bad luck. I’ve written the article before and uploaded the pictures and I terdeleted. It’s bad luck (fucking asshole!).
Anyway, I’m so shocked to learn that wrestler Chris Benoit was found dead along with his wife and 7yo son! Since I’m an avid audience of wrestling (yes don’t be shocked!), it’s kinda shocking thing to learn this and Benoit was truly a spirited wrestler in the ring. Although he seemes to potray the temperamental baddie persona on teh stage but he was a really friendly celebrity (according to our own local media yang buat coverage masa Benoit came to Malaysia to promote WWF along with foxy female wrestler, Stacy Kiebler). Police did not hesistate to rule out the case as homicide walaupun the reason tak tau lagi. Just I’ve uploaded his pic but now tak boleh sbb tak terlebih 50pics limitation! Darn bad luck! Anyway, may his soul rests in peace…
On the lighter side of Hollywood, party gal Paris Hilton is released from the 3 weeks prisoning. The controversial event was so dramatic that it attaracts hundreds of paparazzis snapping pictures of Hilton families vising Paris (sounds pathetic)! I mean, people usually pay for the crime they have commiteed but well, if you are a Hilton, you can getaway with everything! Even the cell is exclusive although she still had to share with few inmates! Anyway, according to Barbara Walters, Paris felt that she is now " a whole new person" and will like to change her lifestyles later" . yeah rite! All the insiders in Hollywood are like so skeptical!! I bet she won’t be saying ‘That’s HOT!" with her nasal dumb-act voice from prison, huh? *giggle*
And then, there is about our local astronouts wannabes = Dr. Syeikh Muzaffar & Dr. Faiz Kamaluddin. I have no problem and I applause them for taking the challenge of becoming the first Malaysian to endeavour the outerspace realms. But I’m not satisfied with the media-frenzies over the former than the latter. I know Dr. Syeikh Muzaffar is a good looking hence media just feeds the desire of human’s lust onto something that could be a bestseller but it’s not fair for Dr. Faiz.!! Of course he himself do not want this media frenzy but as an observer, I feel this is all so unfair. Why all the attention is focused towards Dr. Muzaffar? Everytime there’s an article about the astronouts, Muzaffar’s face will be printed out and I must say almost 80% of the article is about him, 15% the overall hurdles in Russia and 5% about Dr. Faiz. Geez, i’m not anti-Muzaffar but i’m getting sick of that. They should be promoted equally = Malaysian media, take note !!!
It’s been ages since i last got myself into the movies escapades. This year proves to be the year of Holywood’s blockbusters and I have to say that literally, those are passe for me ; here in this provincial Jitra. There are so many movies I have missed and will be missing – well, it will do no harm to write a lil’ piece of each one of them, won’t it? So far I have missed :-
- Pirates Of The Carribean 3 (darn it!)
- Fantastic Four 2
- Shrek 3
Anyway, I’m not into Spiderman so it was a no- biggie. And I’m so excited about the upcoming Nancy Drew movie, staring Emma Roberts (niece of Julia Roberts, daughter of Eric Roberts; for those who don’t know Eric Roberts was the old guy in Mariah Carey’s "We Belong Together" videoclip & orang kanan kepada Mr Linderman in ‘Heroes’). I know some people are laughing their ass off (whatever!) but I’m the avid reader of Nancy Drew / ‘Siri Salma’ (in Malay version) and it’s kinda exciting to see the character to be potrayed! I think Emma Roberts’ is so sweet and she has this contagious adorable smile!!! she looks adorable in E! I’m not really a fan of Julia Roberts’ (although my secondary school life was never away from her image) but I’m totally into Emma. Nancy (Salma) is the main protagonist of the series. Oftenly she’s described as an 18 years old girl who is beautiful and intelligent and of course rich. Her father is a reknowned figure in the metropolitan she’s living in, attorney Carson Drew (Peguam Abdul Hamid). Together, they bust crimes with the help of Nancy’s 2 bestfriends-who-are-cousins, ‘George’ / Georgia (Chong Mei Lin) who is a tomboyish and judo-fanatic girl and her cousin, Bess (Zarina Chong); whois a ladylike girl and rather plump looking with big appetite for foods.
Anyway, just witnessed Hilary Duff’s latest videoclip "Stranger". Gosh, this girl has become some sex-goddess! But she still maintains the naivety of girl-next-door personality (u just know she’s a good girl) and that’s why i like her (probably because too much of Lizzie McGuire-ism yg sampai sekarang masih dikeudarakan di Disney Channel pukul 1am). Between her and Miss Drama Queen-just-wanna-have-attention-from-paparazi-that-make-it-sound-melodramatic Lindsay Lohan, I prefer Hilary Duff!
The Time Has Come For My Dreams To Be Heard. They Will Not Be Pushed Aside On Words. Into Your Own All ‘Coz You Won’t Listen…!
I’m piss off and at the same time confuse and angry! This morning i got a call from World Class Training Centre Sdn Bhd. Obviously, it was a telescreening interview and the Operations Controller, the so-called Miss Leena Sim asked whether I will be free on Monday for an Interview in Menara MCA, KL. Since I was abruptly woken up by the telephone ringing, I wasn’t nervous at all and the interview went smooth (I meant to say that I was not hesistating or worry about my grammar. everything just flow).
I told my parents about it but they were like being ignorant. My mom told me since Abg Zam is to do kursus to Mekah for Haji then probably no one’s gonna bother about me and it would be difficult if i were to go KL. Furthermore, she went slamming me by saying what for applying those ‘ridiculous’ jobs? Better concentrate on applying for goverments’! I was so appalled by that and EXTRMELY ANGRY & FRUSTRATED! But I didnt say anything (although I did snap back a lil bit). And then they went on saying about why did I apply in KL? How am I to survive there if were to be located at the heart of KL while my sis’s residence is in Bangi? And then there was this argument about transportation. They were like saying who’s gonna fetch me back and from? I told ’em I can ride motorcycle but my father was going BERSERK! He said KL’s dangerous,etc…. I can’t say anything coz then they would say I melawan (back talking) and being ‘kurang ajar’ for talking back to the person who have been taking care you since you are a toddler/ baby; they always say they KNOW THE BEST COZ MAKAN GARAM DULU FROM ME. God!
GOD! I’m so angry at them! Of course Bangi is far but why choice do I have? I guess for a few month going back and fro to Kl-Bangi is Ok until I’m accustomed to the surrounding I think i can perhaps find a residence nearby! Imagine Naz pun ulang alik from Subang to Putrajaya dulu. GOD! Sometimes I don’t understand my parents for being so overprotective! They said they trusted my sis duduk KL dulu coz she already had experience. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO EXPERIENCE ANYTHING IF YOU DON’T LEMME FLYY ??????? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE APPLIED FOR PRIVATE SECTORES JOBS & ONLY A FEW MADE IT FROM THE PRELIMINARY? For God sake, the job is Sales Executive/ Consultant that requires to call people and do other public-related maintenance. Of course they will provide the training. Even if I were to find kerja ni tak suitble ke after inteview, I can still pull out kan? It would do no harm to just pegi the inteview! I’m so sad with my parents….
I haven’t talk to my sister yet but I guess the verdict is indisputed since it’s on 25th June= Monday. I’m angry with my parents for underestimating me. Of course they care but it’s getting suffocating! God….. I think i will have to reply back to say that I WILL NOT BE ATTENDING THE INTERVIEW. My volcano will erupts pretty soon….
p/s: Beyonce’s "LISTEN" lyric is so bertepatan with my dilemma now… =(
I’m More Than What You ‘ve Made Up Me. I Followed The Voice You THINK You Gave To Me. Now I’ve Gotta Find My Own.
Blogging is a therapeutic escapade for me. I have been ‘documenting’ almost naked-truth about everything what I have been dealing with my life, emotionally and physcially. It’s the sense of unleashing the anxiety and emotional upheavel that makes me perceive blogging as a remedy for my inner turbulence.
I wanna talk about double personality. Have you ever wonder sometimes that maybe you are not what people actually perceive you as? Personally, it’s a strange feeling for me because when i’m surrounded by people, I’m like this ‘cutie-pie cherry childlike’ person who always giggle and naivety seems endless. But when I’m alone, the recluse darker sense float in me. People around me can only see the ‘darker’ side when I’m in extreme anger or sadness. In this state, it seems that I couldn’t control ‘it’ and this freaks me out coz I could do anything but ordinary. For example like the day I cried " F*cking B*tch" at Selera Murni to Toupe or the day I was being this "You-Mess-With-Me-I’m-Gonna-Dog-u-Back" attitude to Abg Nasrul sumwhere in Sungai Dua in front of people crowding the alley (coz that time I was suspecting it was him who co-wrote the poison letter to me!); it just went berserk! ..or the moment when i was thinking of cutting myself about the PTD-thingy. The childlike being dissappeared and the new alter-ego who like bondage, knives, tattoos and enjoy reading horror novels emerged; strutting a** with "Don’t mess up with me" strides. And once i have cool-down, I always regret any words-vomit i have commited in that volcanic-eruption state.. *sigh*!
Tattoos. Why I like ’em? Not because they are beautiful. It’s because of the excruciating pain you have to endeavor to get that hot imagery etched on the skin. No, I won’t being doing any tattoo (erm….?) but fantasizing about is undeniably orgasmic – sensational. .. Bondages? Well…I have a thing for leather. Horror novels? I crave them like I crave for something nutitional (erk?). Horror novels are the valve for me to harness that darker side in a ‘safer’ way. At least I don’t cut myself ..yet. It scares me sometime when I’m so into the plot written by Stephen King…..
Anyway, I’m not saying I’m having the split-personality or experience the borderline personality disorder syndrome. It just that by writing about what i feel deep inside here is some sort of a syphoning out and it helps to alleviate the turbulence. I have to say when my mother (jokingly or not?) said i have to see a psychiatrist, i was so scare. I couldn’t remember why she said that but it freaks me. Of course she’s not suggesting that I’m a lunatic; it’s just that she simply said if i were to have some psychological problem, then a psychiatrist is someone I should consider of seeing (doesn’t mean ur a crazy if u have a date with one, right?).
This explains why I adore Angelina Jolie. I dont like her just to get into the media-frenzy over Brangelina or because of her recent incadenscence beauty (she used to be this bee-stung LIPS Addams-Family lookalike gothic chick!!). I adore her because she is an ‘interrupted’ lady. Psychologically she’s being honest to herself; doing waht people may perceive as crazy or delusional. She embodies the spirits of thousand of people who experience the struggling of inner turbulences. You have to remember that "Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy." (tagline from the movie "Girl, Interrupted").
p/s : That’s why you can see a lot of my photos are rather provocative or controversial. I’m just alleviating my darker desire there..Just go a lil’ crazy to be sane.
Damn. I just had a ‘preliminary interview’ via telephone just now with this so called UK-based company Marcus-Evans Vice President ( I guess?!). DAMN! Talking to this caucasian was like a spank-in-the-a##! The accent is THICK and i have to like "PARDON ME?" over and over again! GOD! I felt like I’m so clueless and when he explained the working scope and the philosophy of the company, I was like = WHAT ARE YOU TALKING THEREEE??? (dalam hati jer la). Dahla his voice was like sayup2x and I barely heard what he was saying. At last I told him, "I’m sorry but your accent is too thick and I can’t identify what ur saying"…and he was like " Oh, i’m not a Malaysian. Does my name sounds a Malaysian to u?" ERRK? HUN, I AIN’T KNOW WHACCHA NAME THERE ‘COZ ALL I HEARD YOU EY JUST GRUMBLIN’ THERE!! …and the Vice President was like " Shahrill, why are u so tensed? Relaxxx (in the caucasian tone) and was like laughing too when I make fool of myself. Guess the charm works though?! *erk?* And typically, when i’m nervous, i potrayed this ‘bubble-gum innocent cutie-pie with goofball grin’ image talking to him (tapi dlm ati I was like GET A GRIPP SHAHRILL!!).
Damn, obviously I’m not scoring this sales-management executive thingy since he was like being temperamental when i said I can’t make it on Monday or this Tuesday for aN ‘INTEVIEW’. Throughout the conversation I was like dying to hang up the phone!!! Neeway, talking to a caucasian makes me wonder that my english isn’t so good. Need to brush up moreee! Geez, they are so different from the movies coz in movies each words are accentuated properly but for native speaker = BUMMER!! I think i need to brush up my english lagi. Guess Kat or Am dont’ have this problema, huh? (hehee). I guess it’s all about being poised and having confidence. Well, it’s not like I can’t speak or couldnt utter anything; it’s just there are so many ‘uum.." and "you know" to accentuate words and I don’t like that. And he asked:
- "What drives u" ? I simply said "My guts". He was bewildered and I just said .."well,it’s more like passion. When I have passion for something, i will strive the very best,etc" = DANK!
Nontheless, nice experience although I did feel a lil bit of silly, laughing LOUD ( FAKE LAUGH ACTUALLY) like Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary all the way throughout the conversation. U know, GOOFBALL GRINNING! Yikesss~!
We are the kinda people with 2 volumes : LOUD & LOUDER !! Hhaha…I have always want to do this so-called tribute entry to acknowledge my Doncha Club and my appreciation to the other one thirds; Geez, feel like i’m one of the Charmed’s : POWER OF THREE WILL SET US FREE! Now that the three of us now leading our own paths of life, it is kinda nostalgic to ponder back our good ole’ days back in Penang. It’s nice to hangout with people who are down-to-earth and not judging people superficially.
It’s funny how we became one bunch because the three of us have our very distinctive personalities;
- Kat : with the athletism and glamorous girl who never fails to get any mens’ attention (hark!);
- Efy : with the cool and go-witha-flow attitude-but-once-you-started-ignite-the volcano-he-will-go-BERSERK! (hehe); and
- me : of course the childlike spirit with unpredictable innocent-but-nasty persona.
But of course, WE TALK A LOT & WE LOVE MUSIC !!!! Although now each one of us has our own path of life, those good ole days will not be forgotten and how I miss those days we watched movies, hanging out at Selera Murni (nasi goreng cheenah?!), jogging dates @ BJ, NIGHT WALKINGS! (haaha, we always do this right??), dinner-luncheons get tozeer (what’s hot and what’s not?) vocal stretching, AND EVERY 31ST RITUAL = BASKIN ROBBINS!!! GOD, It’s fun to know you guys Kittyk8 and Escapade Blue (ahaks).. Ingat kah sempat buat HEEP HEEP HOORAY DONCHA on the last day bawah CC Shuang Xin tuh? Funny but very nostalgic *sob* !!! One day we may have our complete set of GET TOGEZZER. Hope taht our friendship will last forever and always remember that "I Will Always Be Your Friend; Took An Oath Lmma Stick It Out Till The End". I am the one who appreciate people who appreciate me.
p/s : Funny the name Doncha?! HHahhaa. Let it be our secret. Folks, u guys can laugh ur a## off if u want =)
Last weekeend, i joined Mak and ayah to makan kenduri kahwin Loy, anak Pak Cik Man Lebai who happened to be the same age with Kakak at the secluded Hutan Melintang, Perak. The journey was really tiresome, and VERY exhausting. Nonetheless, it was a nice getaway from the hulaballoo of THAT traumatic mind-cracking blown away thing. Anyway, the journey took approximately 7 hours to reach there; including the time spent where we sesat and went straight to Pekan Teluk Intan (sempat la round2x dan snap gambar The Leaning Tower of Teluk Intan yg famous tu) and then went back and fro without trustworthy direction. Tanya kat orang ramai pun bagi direction yg salah. Ai…nasib baik sampai! Hahha..but it was a nice journey and of course you could expect tehre were lotsa arguments and serpent tongued moment on the way tu…It was OK and we met a lot of old neighbors tehre and all-grown up kids I used to know back at FRU.
After that, we then headed to Abang Jie and my cousin, Kak Ti’s house at Lumut. They reside in this housing area called Venice of Perak. We had nice time there and knowing Abg Jie and Kak Ti, they indeed lavished us with variety of foods (laksa,ketam, mee..u name them!). And I also have teh chance to eat a type of local fruit called Buah Naga. That was the first time i ate it and it was kinda OK although a bit sour (coz it’s citrus type). The color is striking purple and the skin is brigh DARK MAGENTA . How bizarre combination is that?? And my first thought was that it was a plastic replica! On Sunday before gone back, Abg Jie brought us makan-makan angin aka roaming around Pekan Lumut and to the famous Teluk Batik (my sister kept talking about it masa kecik2x dulu coz Abg Jie’s mother, Mak Tok used to bring her kat situ…). Sempatlah beli souvenirs baju buat kenangan (ahaks!). On whole, the day spent kat Venice of Perak was a welcoming experience for us dengan hospitality Abg Jie & Kak Ti (hehe…masing2x adalah habuan..especially Ayah!!!!! *smirk*).
From Lumut, we then headed to Beruas to visit Pak Cik Syed; an old neighbor back at FRU. Pak Cik Syed was this typical Perakian-spoken guy and I was so shocked that he merrily hugged and kissed me on the cheeks. Aiyarkkk! I felt like i was this toddler budak2x kecik!!!! (Ironically, I’m 23 YEARS OLD dah for heaven sake!!!). But it was no biggie coz he was so excited to see us. His house was quite secluded but quite spacious (dekat ngan jalan je). Kebun kat belakang rumah pun besar. Sempatlah kait buah kelapa bagi kat kami..hehee. Makcik Kiah was a bit embarrassed with his husband becoz masa nak balik pun he hugged and kissed me again. I was like a ragged toy being dragged back and fro! Above all, the journey was a nice one and it was a therapeutic getaway for me. It’s hard to forget (coz PTD was the only JOB I had envisioned myself as) but i’m trying to move on. The first batch of resume-sending has commenced today and Insya Allah, do pray for me ya! As for KPLI, I’m keeping my prayers and hope but I NEVER WANNA RELY ON THAT AGAIN. On the brighter side, mungkin ada hikmah i didnt get PTD peringkat ke-3. Mana tahu tengok2x failed peringkat ke-3, baru lah nak gelabah buat resume sendings…
* Congratulation to One Third of Doncha Club : Kat for getting the interview PTD yg kena on hold for a year tu sebab takde transcript tu. Efy and I wish u the best (although I’m JELESSS!!! HAHAH) but I sincerely wish u the best. If there is anyone who deserves this, it would be you !! Congrats chica!!