IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.IT’S PERSONAL MYSELF & I. WE’VE GOT SOME STRAIGHTENIN’ OUT TO DO.
Life as a banker is not a bed of roses. During this past week we are having a lot of self-potentials workshops like sharpening the presentation skills and yesterday + today is the grooming. Grooming as not just your attire should be color matching but your your whole body. And just now, we had to pretend that we are some professional from a certain company and we are to sell ourselves; make the customer believing in you to sell the product. I get the WORST review among all and were made as an example of someone who knew nothing of his goal/passion and just rambling in front of the audience.
The instructor, Miss Isabela Roy said I’m more suitable for the Customer Services Department (still rather hesitated with that tho)rather than HR (which I confidently told when was asked). We were asked to list out what are the criteria we think we possess and a few friends evaluated us. Since I have listed that I’m a ‘persuasive; person, I’m suppose to exhibit that in front of the audiences (today). The result was a disaster. At first I thought I would like to do it alone, pretending I were from an Insurance company (to project out my ability of persuasion). But then, Yati came along as suggested that we collaborated; so the initial was scrapped and now we were this Consulting Firm doing research on the unemployment rates among the fresh graduates in Malaysia. I was rambling gibberish (that’s what Isabella labelled me) as I had no passion for it while Yati was smooth-flowing. Good for her. I’m not blaming her but I’m so sad because I obtained the WORST review and were amde as BAD EXAMPLE among my cluster; and most of my team members were getting praises. I felt so stupid, so dwarf, and not to say so left out. I felt I’m not belong here with my scientific background while others are just so economic. I also feel that Isabela was not giving her full attention when it was my turn but to others was the otherwise.
People who read this might not understand coz this is merely words; it can’t illustrate the whole emotional upheavel in me now. Everyone’s gone for lunch but I don’t feel like going; skip lunch to write this blog as a remedies. Everything is in English these days; so you can see how it goes. I felt so embarassed because almost everyone get praises except me.. I’m the loser one, I’m the weakest one, I’m the outcast one. God, I HATE this! I’m not used of being that and suddenly now here I’m being the loser. I hate to write this but I even cried in the toilet just now after try to tahan menangis in the room. Why do I feel like a misfit? Isabella’s exercise just now was to point out where our strength and which department suit us best. Looks like I had no credible to be in anywhere. She bluntly and brutally (she acknowledge that) I’m not fit to be in HR but Customer Service. Even Azmir (he reminds me of Zhafry; the way he speaks is classic Zhafry.) who is a quite quiet person is getting praises and Isabella was over the top with him. I felt so secluded in that big room. I’m so sad….=(
My teammates of H2W (Happy, Healthy, Wealthy)= My AFFIN Bank batch; have been very supportive and I’m really touched by some of the caring shown by some of them. Misha for example had given me a nice advice as well as Chen Chen, Nik, Zaidi (although he was having the same dilemma like me), Rina, Dalia and all. generally, everyone has been darlings by being supportive towards me (even the implicitly snapping back at Miss Isabella Roy). Anyway, I just wanna put everything past behind me. It’s the future and what I had gained from the terrible experience of ‘soul-searching’ had taught me.
Anyway, I’m now at CC MindMaker Penang after my Convocation Day. It has been nice meeting everyone. I hope to make a special entry for both my Convocation Day and Trip to PD (still waiting pictures from Azmir,Mida, Rina,etc).
* Since the song is Big Girls Don’t Cry, I re-phrase into "Big Childs Don’t Cry". *sigh*
I Need Some Shelter Of My Own Protection. To Be With Myself In Center. Clarity. Peace. Serenity.
My New Jukebox Song is by Rihanna = "SHUT UP & DRIVE" !~