But I Can’t Spell It Out For You. No It’s Not Gonna Be That Simple. No I Can’t Spell It Out For You.
Jukebox Mood: "Realize" by Colbie Caillat
I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m torn between my pride and my little voice inside. It’s trivial…. but why am I so cooped up in that tiny little dejected feeling? ergh! Whatever la. Pegi mampos la. It ain’t worth my brain cells to divulge into this micro-tiny tantrums. But yeah..whatever I may jot down here I still makin’ me sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. And….Sad. I won’t be saying it out loud to anyone or will I cry outside anymore; this writing up just to siphon out, to alleviate, to memujuk myself. There’s so much more of those who are keep coming to me and yet I’m savoring something that merely sillhouttes. It’s alright to feel that Childlike. It’s just another phase of growing up before you find the Charm.It’s Ok, to be sad. It’s Ok to cry inside…..it’s all alright.
NOTIFICATION UPDATES (I) :
It’s complex. People says I’m difficult. I’m mysterious. I’m defensive... *sigh*. I have no answer for that nor will I comment anything on it. Pretty much so far, I think I’m merely simple person to be understood. But, it’s alright. People don’t have to understand me; if they don’t, it means they don’t complement me and it will remains that, I’m afraid =( . Listening to Colbie Caillat’s "Realize" is quite a therapeutic remedy. It’s OK…I would just have to occupy myself with other ‘stuff’.
NOTIFICATION UPDATES (II) :
I’ve been occupying myself with the office workloads yang I bawa balik. It’s a good diversion. With the rendition of Colbie Caillat’s "Realize" being played for like trillionth times, it’s just getting sombre-ly therapeutic. I’m also in a process of finishing the book "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand which is very interesting. I have to say that i have deep connection with the character Dominique Francon (I would explain on the book thoroughly when I finish reading it). I found similarities between us; and it scares me..
NOTIFICATION UPDATES (III) :
Burying oneself in the enormous workloads sometimes bring a greater good; a great diversion, and yeah, u tend to finish up most task being assigned to you. It’s a remedial for me, a solace I’m counting on for now. Hurm..now that i’ve cooled down a lil bit (but still feel sore over it), everything seemed micro-trivial (and yeah, I have to say that there was indeed some gestures made to make-up for that whatever-that-make-me-sad-that-day)… But the dejected emotion is still there (yeah, i guess I don’t forgive easily); for now, i’m not savouring anything from no one. Life has a lot of things to offer and I a’int gonna pass all that (or mourn) over something elusive as this !In the end, it’s always my family who love me most dearly and I treasure them always.. Now that i’ve already have a nephew, Mohd Rifqi who I love to death, I’m beginning to learn to get rid of my "uncouth" alter ego (a different hidden side of me that hardly anyone notice it).. the Dominique Francon alter ego.
It’s Not all The Same, It’s Never The Same, If You Don’t Feel It Too.