Today is somewhat I’d called a dugaan berpuasa *sigh*. Today is Monday and lotsa people are not in the bank (at least in my Commercial Banking Department). My Superviser Zaza is in Penang for a customer visit whist my Mentor Zura is on leave. Unfortunately, today one of my paper; counter-signed by Zaza akan masuk ke MLC (it’s a loan committee; let just name the company yg I did the paper tu as WK Sdn Bhd; I’m obliged to the banking rule of BAFIA); sebab loan yang diberikan agak banyak around RM 50 million.
To cut the story short, since Zaza who was supposed to brief the paper to the committee tak ada, the task was whisked over to the Deputy CEO; who had to attend an urgent meeting; he then passed it to one of my senior Assistant Relationship Manager, Zul to brief the committee. As Zul is not familiar with the company nor the paper, he asked my assistance in elaborating the paper, the requests by the customer and also the cash flow.
He was pretty nervous and asked me to explain the cash flow and everything. I was kind blurred and explain to him as much as I know but of course apparently, he was not satisifed. So he asked Mohsin; another Relationship Manager who sometimes like to jest with me. When I couldn’t explain the rationale of the paring down (reduce the limit of facilities) of the Cashline Restricted (Islamic Overdraft), he provoked me and condemned me. Of course it was meant to be a “usik-usik manja” because they like to kacau-kacau me and vice versa. But suddenly, my face and ears reddens ….and..I CRY!
As much as I tried to confine the tears, bertakunglah pulak dekat mata tuh. The seniors were kinda stunned; as much as I am. Actually, what makes me kinda sedih and useless was the ayat :-
“Kalau tak faham baca simple cash flow ni, jangan jadi RM (relationship manager) la. Baik jadi typewriter jaa kan?!”
Well, with that simple sentence; it just enough to make me feel useless. So cliche, I went to the restroom and cried. And of course after that, messaged few friends (thanks for the funny and comforting replies everyone!). Nak ditambahkan salt to the wound, my Superviser Zaza called me from Penang and sorta semi-reprimanding me :
” You ni takkan tak boleh nak explain paper and cash flow WK Sdn Bhd? U dah buat banyak kali dah. Tak bleh assist Zul ke?”
Well…life in the banking lane. How I wish I’m in the line where I’m most passion about and I can excel very much. I have to confess with this profession, I’ve yet to put my 100% concentration and effort. That I admit.
NOTIFICATION UPDATES (I) :
Alright.. today I feel much better. But of course there’s tis akwardness atmosphere in my department. My seniors didn’t usik2x me like usual dah; probably they think I’m still sore about yesterday. Hhaha, takpala biarkan jerla. For tis moment I think I need a break from the attention circle. It’s good sometime to just being an aloof. Anyway, i always hated myself for not being able to constraint my emotion la… Sikit2x nangis….aih. I need to work on that! Anyway, thanks to few friends like Kat (your strong words is conforting gal!), Efy (Doncha forever!), Muzem (Thanks for your replies man! Appreciate that) and Khirwan (Sekarang dah jadi Sarjan Khir ke? *pengsan! Thanks my fren. Your replies really cheered me up!)
Since semalam the monorail was like congested with people; I’ve decided untuk kill time lepas kerja by having an alone-walking (menenangkan fikiran la) sementara tunggu waktu berbuka puasa (puasa sunat kelmarin). From Pavillion yg memang dekat my office (Jln Raja Chulan; masuk pintu belakang); tembus ke main Gate kat Bukit Bintang, I walked to Lot 10 and Sungei Wang; tembus ke Times Square! I’d just love Times Square coz it bears normal essence. Pavillion is Ok if you have frens or lotsa cash that time! Lepas bukak posa, terus gi Border beli CD Faith Hill “Fireflies”. I’ve to say it’s a very good CD with fusion feeling of country and pop. The country essence just make me longing for Penang and my Up North root y’all! Listening to Faith Hill boost my emosi; and indeed my friends are my own fireflies… *Awww..shweet ain’t it?*
NOTIFICATION UPDATES (II) :
I really treasure all the responses by my friends. Your warm alleviating replies comfort me. Well, just now just had meeting with the Deputy CEO who wanted to meet all the newly-appointed aka junior Assistant Relationship Managers : which are of course me, Rashid Brown, Zaidi, Nik, Linda and Hammie. Ergh.. the 1 and 1/2 hours session was like a brain-cum-ear washing session; how we have to buck up ourselves so that we’ll be on par with our senior RMs since gaji lebey kurang sama (RM 2.4 K) cuma they jer lebey RM90-00 (which supposed to be a joke but we were so tensed up and well, faked lil’ bogus smiles though). With now that our position as Relationship Manager already confirmed, we have to perform EXTRAORDINARY; being able to delegate and execute task EFFICIENTLY.
Anyway, welcome to the world of working world *sigh*. Had a tete-a-tete with Zul just now about the whole ‘crying drama’ yesterday and he pointed out that they meant no harm; just to remind me that its important to understand the company’s financial strength and weakness when assigned to do the paper. I felt kinda relieved after that. Well..working aint THAT sweet; especially in the finance industry.