Perhaps this will be my last entry for the year 2009. Wow, a year passes by like a blink of an eye. I have completed my one-year crash course KPLI training as a teacher and here I am about to be posted somewhere in Hulu Selangor. Pondering back, the year 2009 elevates me to a whole new world and teaches me more about life as it is.
Making a bold decision to ditch a comforting career and embarking an uncertain path was the beginning of this year. Alhamdulillah throughout this year, I’ve met remarkable people and I’ll never forget them. This year has been a crazy one; and a passionate one too. But of course, people come and go. Yet, the ones who are loyal remain in the heart because you know they care from their gestures and tokens of appreciations. I also will be leaving my 25th years of life though my facade still remain unscathed by the wrath of time. Getting older, different priority.
To make a transition from a private sector citizen to Government also was no easy task. Still, I embrace the fact I am now a Government civilian and my loyalty is to the organization I serve, Insya Allah. But of course, I speak my heart. I don’t intend to play hide-and-seek to deny any sloppiness I see along the way. Nonetheless, I guess along with the upcoming experiences, I shall be able to master the culture and the arts of becoming a Government civilian.
To my ex-pupils at SK Sultanah Asma (if any of you are reading this), Sir wishes a prosperous year ahead; to my other KPLI mates who are now scattered throughout Malaysia, I wish all the best and be sincere in whatever deeds we do; to my loved ones, thank you for being supportive and I’ve learned that if it is strong, it will not be shaken; and to myself, I wish a prosperous year 2010 in the school I am about to be allocated. It will be hard and uneasy journey but if you put your mind, passion and faith to it, you will do your classic cliche – “Come. See. Conquer.”
Never lose the dignity although you are tempted with luscious whispers. Be honest to yourself and Allah SWT will always protect you, Childlike. (,”)
My heart hurts. It feels like a subtle knife piercing through the artery; crippling the veins. But, it is not something I don’t expect. I know that it is never a strong one. Never the solid one. Never the purest of all. Never the holy realm. Still, it is good that you don’t expect it to be your priority because at the end of the day when things collapse, you don’t go shattered. You can’t complain much. It’s expected. Your heart is darkened, your instinct pulls the trigger.
It feels like one is an oasis in the middle of a scorching hot desert. Travellers are drawn to the oasis for the greeneries lushes. To hard to resist to quench the unbearable thirst. Travellers would want to have a sip in the oasis and gone (as much as they deny vehemently). That’s a known fact. In the end, oasis is ring-fenced; only letting travellers peeping through the fences, yearn to savor and devour what lie on the oasis.
All the oasis can say : Alhamdulillah!
By now, I am all self-proclaimed “Avatar” maniac! Call it it a nerdish-geeky fetishism, new world-cult, fantasy-absorbed ectasy – ANYTHING! I don’t give a damn. All I’m saying; I can’t get enough of Pandora, Na’vi and the world of “Avatar” y’all! (,”). So, went to see the flick for the 2nd time and although this time still sans 3D, it is worthwhile to watch and savor the mythical world simply by devouring it through 2D perspective.
Apart from my fanaticism, I also wanna point out the gist of the story. Settlers come to a foreign land dwelled by Aborigine tribes; try to ‘educate’ the savages in accordance to their point of views; and snatch whatever wealth the land has. It’s cliche and hackneyed-yet, the content is a definite reflection to pages of the human civilization history. If we were to ponder back to Book of History, these kind of events occurred almost every parts of colonization-and-slavery accounts (I am historical buff a.k.a. freak). The most popular comparison I can draw the attention is to the history of Pocahontas; which is somewhat somehow is similar to the essence of the movie “Avatar”.
The English settlers came to America to discover ‘New World-with-gold’ and only to show the Native Americans that the way of the English was the way of the world. The aborigines were dubbed as ‘savages’ just simply because the Aborigines don’t think and look like the English settlers. Same case happened in India, Indonesia and South-East Asia! I think the movie ‘Avatar’ is good in sense that it reminds that although a colony is different from the other colony in terms of appearances or way of lives, doesn’t mean the other colony has the right to SURPRESS them! In this question, who is the savages now?
Besides the good essence of the movie, I am also captivated with the music arrangement by James Horner. It’s an undeniable that James Cameron was an excellent director but it is Horner’s masterpieces that bring the ‘feel’ and ’emotion’ to every sequences. James Horner worked his magic like what he did in ‘Titanic’ but this time he put some tribal element and mythical sounds in the composition. I have the feeling he’s going to score another Oscar for his work in ‘Avatar’.
Like I said in the previous entry, the colors and the technology are super-marvellous. And I have to say James Cameron succeed in creating a new realm of fantasy of his own; on par with what Geoge Lucas did with Star Wars! The language, the characteristics, the panorama- everything is two-thumbs-up for the illustration of Pandora! I want to be a Na’vi!!!! *eeek?* LOL!
Kadangkala kita rasakan kesedihan dan penderitaan yang kita alami sangat dalam. Tapi hakikatnya, penderitaan orang lain lebih perit dan berat dari apa yang kita tanggung. Bila kita renung, congak dan cerap kembali, rasanya pergolakan emosi kita hanya bagai jenaka dalam alam semesta; klise dan tak menjadi kudis. Kita bertuah kerana mempunyai kelompok rakan yang setia dan mulia. Susah senang dikongsi bersama. Ada suka dan duka dirasa bersama. Alam remaja, alam berkerja, alam bercinta, alam sengsara, alam budaya… semuanya berpaut-bahu menyokong menongkah arus hidup.
Hari ni sebenarnya hari yang bergelojak. Sarat dengan pertembungan emosi dalam rumah. Puncanya benda yang remeh-temeh dan agak tak masuk akal jika dikupas satu-persatu. Tetapi hakikat yang perlu diterima apabila dibesarkan dalam keluarga unit kecil dan Melayu tipikal, reaksi sekelumit cuma pun akan dibesar-besarkan secara perang ‘dingin.’ Di sinilah datangnya sahabat. Biarlah kita berkasih; sahabat juga akhirnya menjadi tali tasbih.
Rasa sedih kita dipudarkan dengan cerita yang ditanggung sahabat. Pergolakan antara adik-beradik yang direnggangkan oleh rasa amarah dan juga dilema antara ketaatan sebagai anak atau mengikut kata kekasih hati banyak merentap emosi dan rohani sahabat. Meskipun dirundung masalah yang menimpa, sahabat sentiasa punya dedikasi dan akauntabiliti terhadap kerjayanya. Reaksi yang dibalas terhadap keluarga yang mengguris hati adalah seperti membalas curahan tuba dengan susu : Yang jahat dibalas kebaikan. Masih juga tidak lelah menjalankan tanggungjawab sebagai anak. Masih juga berpegang teguh pada keluarga bangsa. Masih juga bertindak sebagai anak yang paling diharapkan di kalangan saudara yang mabuk di awangan. Sepanjang perkenalan, sahabt seorang yang tidak mudah putus asa dan kuat dari segi mental dan fizikal. Tetapi episod melibatkan keluarga membuatkan air mata jatuh. Pun begitu, masih taat pada ibu bapa dan saudara.
Kita seorang yang punya rasa empati tinggi. Kesusahan sahabat membuatkan kita sedar yang walaupun kita bersedih, ingatlah ada lagi yang lebih parah menanggung peritnya sedih. Dan, ia menjadi inspirasi bagi kita mengharungi hari.
Who would ever thought James Cameron, the muscle behind “Titanic” will give labour to an infused fantasy genre a la ‘Pocahontas-meets-Transformers-meets- Lord Of The Rings’ masterpiece? Well, welcome the “Avatar”; masterpiece that boasts Cameron’s 14 years of imagination and vision- in forms of cute big eyed bluish primeval of Pandora, no less! (,”)
Jack Sully & Neytiri
Zoe Saldana as Neytiri
I went to see the film with Syahrir and Firdaus Sulhi last night at Jitra Mall cineplex. How my rating goes? 4 stars outta 5 stars! The narration was alright; the colors used to illustrate Pandora and the mythical realms were a mixture of fluorescent and vibrant colors; the music composition by James Horner suits every sequences and give the additional touch of ‘raw-ness’ to the sequences; the actors did great job especially Zoe Saldana (who happened to star in quite impressive line-ups of movies but yet to emerge as a powerhouse actress; this could be her REAL breakout to the Tinseltown!!) who plays Neytiri & Stephen Lang who portrays the main villain, Colonel Quaritch!
Although the film comes with a cliche plot (colony conquers a land dwelled by aborigine native tribes and try to dig up the wealth from the land : like ‘Pocahontas’), the spectacular technology used to translate the fantasy world of Pandora into silverscreen is ETHEREAL. I honestly felt like as if I were in that world. It’s so magical! It’s a no wonder that James Cameron is getting all the Golden Globe and potential Academy Awards nods for this movie- and not to forget the heart-wrenching OST theme song for the movie, “I See You”, sung by British chanteuse, Leona Lewis which definitely put cherry on top of the icing.
After the movie, we went for a light supper at a warung nearby. I ordered a char kueow teow (which was not tasty at all) and an oblong. You know what is an oblong? Obviously the name explains the shape; but it is actually bread with beef sandwiched between it- like a hotdog except the usual burger beef replaces the sausage. That one, is TASTY! (,”). On whole, it was a great movie and no miscellaneous setback hampered my night. Hehehe..
I see you ..
Walking through a dream
I see you
My light in darkness breathing hope of new life
Now I live through you and you through me
I pray in my heart that this dream never ends
I see me through your eyes
Living through life flying high
Your life shines the way into paradise
So I offer my life as a sacrifice
I live through your love
You teach me how to see all that’s beautiful
My senses touch your word I never pictured
Now I give my hope to you
I pray in my heart that this world never ends
Shahrill Ramli is one stubborn and compulsive childlike : The flaws that I have are potential threats in jeopardizing my relationships with people around me. It has become like a deadly paranoia that keeps creeping and crawling into the head, poisoning the mind with the worst assumptions. It takes a lot of patience and determination for someone to affiliate with me; let alone building an intimate one; to reach out to this disturbed soul.
Generally, Shahrill Ramli is a good person but is wild at heart put in cage : I put this childlike and naive persona but deep inside I am quite rotten. I am full of vengeance, defensive and self-emotionally-mutilation. Yet, I have compassion towards those who are in needs and downtrodden. The opportunity to carve a new beginning in someone’s else lives is quite attractive for me instead of pursuing the glamorous glitz of lives in the metropolitan world. I am also weird in sense that if I were to become emotionally attached to someone, I would become obsess and keep pestering the person and eventually it would ruin the relationship. It’s like the urge of domineering; which demands patience and unconditional love to tame the wild beast.
It is so often when I am alone, the darker side will come and trigger lots of unhealthy thoughts and compulsive intuitions. Only when I am with people, my childlike persona will unfolds and takes charge and people automatically assume that I am always that perky. Although I’d love to be surrounded by people and interact with them, I do prefer to be alone and recluse sometimes. I guess I am the classic case of being an ambivert.
That’s why, I treasure those who stand by me. It means a lot to me though I may not able to express the recognition verbally. Whatever I write here are pieces from my inner soul. I tend to realize I am the reflection of motto “Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit- “What nourishes me also destroys me.” But someone brushed it off for me – “Right, so live with it forever!!!” Sounds harsh but just to remind me. Honestly, I am so scare because it is me. I am the living fraction of the motto. But I am willing to confine that alter-ego. If that what it takes to make it work. Insya Allah.
Tonight, I met up with Syafique Ghause and Syahrir and we went to have a late drink at Changloon! Like usual, Syafique never forgets me (while my friends now are all drifted apart) and manage to squeeze time to pay visit towards me; accompanied by his faithful lil’ brother!
It was a nice tete-a-tete with both of them since they can be considered seniors in this teaching world. Syafique and Syahrir share a lot of stories and reality prefaces in the REAL education world. Right from the politics, the cultures, the teaching-and-learning; all rounded up. From their stories, most problems derive from teachers-to-teachers relationships rather than teachers-to-pupils. Jealousy, cliques, gossipers, busybodies : and these elements are in TEACHERS. Well, teachers are also human, aren’t they? As an outsider, one may always has that naive perception (like I used to have) that TEACHERS ARE ALL SAINTS. Well, welcome to the real world, honey!
My excitement to meet Syafique and Syahrir was somehow hampered by a provocative attitude. Maybe it’s nobody’s faults. But I just can’t help feeling frustrated to know that when I am cooped up in the house doing nothing at all and FREE all the time, there is nothing. Zero. Nada. But when I am all out meeting friends (first, in Penang; second is this one); it’s like so many faulties! I do try to be a tolerable half of this entanglement but now it seems I cannot do it anymore! Maybe I am born to be aloof. I don’t like to be told or to be controlled. I don’t think I am cut for all these.
Maybe what the tarot card said about this year is true; that I will be out of luck in ‘intimate’ department this year. Well, no matter. What’s important is that tomorrow I maybe know the result of my posting. Kinda nervous. Of course, I don’t think I can sleep tonight since someone spoils that; maybe unintentionally but one can’t help to wonder why it always happens WHEN I ABOUT TO HAVE PEOPLE AROUND ME AS COMPANIES? Well, whatever. No matter.
In the end, I always have my alter-ego as my true confidante, aite? So sad. But it maybe true.