I am a difficult, complex and complicated person. That’s why I am naming this entry as an “X”. Indescribable. My blog is a place where I express everything; my thoughts, my experiences, my most inner soul. This is my solace. My salvatory valve. So, that’s why I am writing this.
Sometimes I think life is exciting as it offers you a lot of discoveries and experiences. People come and go in your life. As time passes by, you can’t help but noticing that people are changing; maybe time and distance corrode the bonds. It is normal to be drifted apart but it hurts. The best of friends are drifted apart because both are busy with own love lives; lovebirds are not as intimate as they used to be due to distance apart. (This isn’t pinpointing to anyone in particular. It’s a general view I conclude.)
Life also offers you a ‘no-reservation’ ticket to strength and determination. For me, I like to siphon out what I felt inside and dissatisfaction and disappointment are alright to be marginalized with tears. I honestly don’t think it is wrong to be a ‘crybaby’ if what you feel is in accordance to the nature of what God has created human for. Cry when you feel sad. But of course, the typical ubiquitous stigma in today’s world is that if you cry, you ain’t that strong. But not me. I know if I cry and release everything, I will weather the problem even sturdier than ever. It’s just how you play the mental and psychology channels.
I am not perfect. I have so many flaws. But I do try to be the best one for the people around me. A good friend, a good lover, a good child. Of course, there are times when you just thought that pulling a trigger of a gun could end up mess and fulfill vengeance. But the dark intuition is superseded by rationale thinking. In the end, life is all merely a russian roulette. You just gotta play it sly and sleek. With Allah SWT to guide. Insya Allah.
And you can see my heart beating
Oh you can see it through my chest
Said I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger.