When God SWT gives you test, it means that those challenges are to enumerate the sturdiness of your faith and patience. I am a fragile human with brittle defences. I am no saint or angelic. Sometimes, hard time makes me filled with anxiety and de-motivated.
The fiasco began after Friday prayer. It’s been ages since I last used my “Kris Jenner” Kris motorcycle. Just when I was about to enter the entrance to Desa Anggerik, the motorcycle SLOWED DOWN…and DIED! I tried few times but proved to no avail. Seemed like the tank was out of petrol. So, in the middle of scorching heat of 30-34 celsius of Equatorial Sun, I dragged the motorcycle until at a junction leading to my house. And guess what, a tent probably for wedding ceremony was erected there and BLOCKED the lane!!!
So, all I could do was just walked to my house and got my car out. In my mind, I thought I can fill the tank with the remnant of oil I had when I went service for my car. Little did it registered in my mind that this was the “engine oil” and one WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT THAT IN THE MOTOR TANK!!! I guess, the heat and the panic attack clouded my rationality; so I brought my car there and put the oil into the tank. Of course, it won’t start and I had to drive back my car to the house; walked to the motor; and dragged the motor by walking side-by-side-with-motor – leading to the house…..
Today, Kuala Lumpur was advisably restricted to go because a commotion of ‘BERSIH’ was held; so you can imagine that the roads would be so congested and blocked. I decided to buy lunch but shops were closed so, had to go to Rawang. Bought few groceries and decided to buy KFC since restaurants were all mostly closed. I couldn’t find a spot to part my car though I’ve rounded the place; so for the first time in my life, I parked NOT in the parking space and blocked a car. I thought it will be for a short stint.
ALLAH SWT really wanted to test me. After for like minutes when I came back to the car, the owner of a van of which I accidentally blocked YELLED AT ME. With his “kampung-style” gungho, he verbally provoked me and accusing me for not respecting him and all. I remained calm because it was indeed MY FAULT. So I just apologized. Of course, he WAS NOT SATISFY WITH THAT BECAUSE IT SEEMED EASY. So, he kept provoking with his family peeping from the van and asked where I lived and all. I told him in “Serendah” and he named few names that I’ve known. He also arrogantly ASKED ME TO MEMORIZE HIS PLAT NUMBER AND VEHICLE (I guess it’s a Malay style to declare the gungho-ness).
I told him I knew the people he mentioned because I used to live nearby them. I didn’t become my usual retaliated Quod Pro Quo because I was indeed the wrong-doer. So, I blatantly again apologized to him and his peeping wife. I asked him what actually he wanted me to do; he said he just wanted to siphon out his anger; OK….I handled the case very well; but I was shaken mad because I restrained myself from FIRING BACK (usually, I will argue back whatever people said).
On the way, someone kept SMS-ing me and badgering me to go to KL despite me telling the person that the roads to KL was sure to be congested and blocked…..all just because of wanting to watch the film “The Avengers”. I got pissed off and very frustrating and sad at that time. I felt that the person was being selfish. I don’t know, perhaps because too many fiasco happened at the same time…I don’t see the sensitivity.
Arrived at home, I poured down the petrol but the motor won’t revved up. It’s official. My “Kris Jenner” is now dead. I was so sad. And if I ever tell this story to people, they will not alleviate the emotion, instead they will be JUDGING AND ACCUSING AND LAMENTING about me using the ‘engine oil’ instead of ‘petrol’. That’s why I got so fed-up relating fiasco to living people. They are nothing but bunches of craps! Not a good listener.
And with the Equatorial heat in Malaysia scorching hot, the insensitivity SMSes kept provoking me; urging to go to Kuala Lumpur. It’s whatever, man. I am not answering. I need time to be reclusive and be with me. In the end, what can be done if you relate problems to people? NOTHING. Only criticism. I know I can only depend on myself. I am myself’s best friend.
Please. Call me ONLY when you sober. IF… you realize what you have done. But I doubt it. Whatever.
This song by “Evanescence” brings back my those rebellious and so-called inner Gothic days. Yes, although I may seemed meek and demure but I am always demented and twisted at heart. There were times when I was obsessed with knives, bondage stuffs and all…but..well…it’s just curiosity…
Don’t cry to me, if you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me, come find me
Make up your mind
Should have let you fall and lose it all
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can’t keep believing, we’re only deceiving ourselves
And I’m sick of the lie and you’re too late
Couldn’t take the blame, sick with shame
Must be exhausting to lose your own game
Selfishly hated, no wonder you’re jaded
You can’t play the victim this time and you’re too late
You never call me when you’re sober
You only want it ’cause it’s over, it’s over
How could I have burned paradise?
How could I? You were never mine