I cried vehemently in the car just now. It’s like a knife through the rib. I never thought my aspiration could trigger unexpected Domino Effect; or at least what shall be expected. I am tired; but I need to jot down what I feel inside. I am just a fragile being. My Iman isn’t that sturdy. I am torn between love between Tawakallah and love to human.
Could it be that these are tests that God SWT put to me? Could it be it’s like a Sign From Heaven that I must journey this alone? Could it be an indication that whatever ephemeral should remain as such?
I always realize and know that all these blesses I am having now are merely Borrowed Heaven. One way another, God is Fair. God gives me the experiences now; so that in later life I will lose them. God gives me great loves now, so later I will experience sufferings; God lavishes me with joy now; so that later I will understand the meaning of melancholy. I always know, no one can have everything. You get some, and you will lose some….Amin….
I am blessed. But I am sad. And I cried. Perhaps, it is time for me to prepare mentally. I know my strength is in my mind. Perhaps it’s time for me to prepare this journey, alone?
I don’t think I can sleep tonight. Writing is my salvation valve. Only writing.