I am a Black Swan and I will always be. I can’t change my feathers. I can’t paint my feathers. I can’t be the perfect demure White Swan although superficially, I am White Swan in the eyes of strangers who don’t even know me. I pity those who are close with me. I am uncouth, arrogant, egoistic and autocratic – underneath the meek childlike face.
There are times when I do hate myself for being such a Black Swan with dark nature. I realize what I do can potentially hurt others or insult the sensitivities but there’s the sense of wanting to siphon that ego. I am sorry that I can’t be Odette. I am the absolutely opposite of whatever this naive face has been hoodwinking, putting a false masquerade. I am no Odette. I am Odille, the Black Swan. And always will be. Forgive me.
Je suis le misérable…… mon amour.