I can’t sleep. Perhaps it is because I am so frustrated that the plan for tomorrow is being put on halt due to inevitable eleventh hour setbacks; and emotional distress usually drags me into temporary insomnia, until that mess is assuaged – and of course one of the instant remedies is to siphon in my blog. My solace, my platform, my salvation valve. During the period of trying-to-force-myself-to-sleep, I’ve unexpectedly had that reminiscence about friends and I myself as a friend. I have changed. Why? There are reasons.
90’s kids grew up with this sitcom. We LOVE this. We grew up with F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!!
I used to be a friend who anticipates to see his friends. I treasure my friends. I was the one that people look for whenever there were to be any get-together or gatherings. And why is that? Because I am practically close with everybody. I get along with almost everyone. And I constantly keep in touch with them. But as the time goes by, there were a few cases that make me felt unappreciated and undervalued by friends. And there were also some insensitive words and remarks by them that make me sprung with shock to see them changed. They don’t respond to the same friendly punchlines anymore. They mocked at those jokes and perceived that as some childish silly shenanigans that should be shunned away when all these whiles, those were the things that bonded us. They thought those punchlines were ridiculous. I was appalled and felt an instant alienation. Hence, I had some sort of negative revelation. I don’t know my friends anymore. They are not the same people that I used to know.
It was then that I realized that in order to avoid myself from feeling “silly” and “hurt”, I myself shall change. From that moment, I have make a promise (sounds far-fetch, but yes) that I am distancing myself from my old friends (with the exception of those who keep constantly contact with me. They are gems and they know who they are!). I have decided to treat my old friends as ‘new acquaintances’; that is that I will no more speak in the way that I used to speak with them; no more will I crack silly-old-personal-jokes & no more will I keep abreast with them if they don’t make the initiatives. I am categorizing them as old smokes. And I certainly make no effort to rekindle with them no more.
It is sad for me. I know they don’t give a damn (Hahaha!) but I am doing it because I don’t want to feel all those nostalgic-weeping-moment anymore. Either way, it’s not like anyone losing, aite? We all have our own lives now and I am very blessed and happy with my life now, Alhamdulillah. But like I said, friendships are gold to me, yet, when people that you know more than 10 years became sudden strangers, you felt twinge of melancholy and then finally, couldn’t be bothered no more.
But of course, there are those who are gems and they know who they are. We keep in touch, we kept abreast with each other – not too often but the significance remembrance is there. You know, like what Oprah says (she is one of my inspirations apart from Angie) :-
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”
To those who always bring the positive energy to me whenever your presence is around me even physically you are not with me, always remember that I will always be your friend. Just listen to Rihanna’s “Umbrella”. I will always be your umbrella. (,”)