When words of mouth fail to express what I feel inside, I resort into writing. Every emotions are perfectly transcribed via these alphabets – they represent my emotion, in literature motion. Today, I had my usual social calendar. Everything went well, joyous and all…. until the incident. Of course I won’t be fathoming the matter directly here – not when so many people are reading especially school people/unknown strangers – but being a cliche classic me, I just need to siphon the feeling. And what’s best when nobody understands? It’s all me, myself & I in this blog of mine.
Today, 30th December 2013.
Sometimes, I feel like I am a bit of Dora Spenlow in Charles Dickens’ “David Copperfield.” For classic novels aficionado, this is just a breeze but for those who never come acquainted with the novel, Dora Spenlow is the first wife of David Copperfield, the protagonist of the novel. She was described as a “childish” person. Adorable but insufficient emotionally. She always regarded David as a husband-daddy figure. Best to describe, she is David’s “child-wife”. Yes, there are some uncanny similarities between the character Dora Spenlow and I. Being pampered by most people in my life, I could be very sensitive and touchy and my loved one sometimes got confused with the insufferable emotional distress. I just can’t help pretending although there are times when my spirit is tough as a nail; I am just a naturally childlike person.
Dora Spenlow, David Copperfield’s “child-wife”.
Now, when a Dora Spenlow person is being avoided ala Tirzah in “Ben-Hur”; what do you think? OK, for those who don’t read Lew Wallace’s “Ben-Hur” (which is one of my MOST favourite classic novels of all time!), Tirzah happens to be Ben-Hur’s sister and she was inflicted with leprosy along with their mother, Miriam and were cast away by the villagers. Being a leper, life was complicated and people won’t touch you due to pre-conceived fear. Well to relate to what I feel tonight; that is the kind of alienation I felt for the incident. I was stupefied. But I didn’t say a word about it although I was forced and pushed to leak what lies inside. For me, it is useless to utter any words when the very person’s actions speak it all. I can’t deny or lie that I am sad, tonight.
Tirzah, Ben-Hur’s sister inflicted with leprosy.
I don’t know whether this is just temporary. Perhaps, tomorrow it will evaporate or fade away. But it makes me realize; in the end, life is all about being independent. In the end, all you got is – Me, Myself & I.
The 29 years old childlike; dated 30th December 2013. – Me, myself & I.