Love; for me, used to be a fantasy. Beautifully etched in films and movies but impossible to be real. After strings (OK, not strings really; I am not promiscuous! More like series..!) of unhealthy relationships, a new light shone to my life approximately in the middle of 2010. Yes, it was when I started my career as a teacher and I was in a topsy-turvy state due to a very unhealthy relationship I had prior to that!
Who would have thought now it is already 4 years towards 5 years? It takes courageous and patient soul to really weather my tantrums and flaws. I am a difficult person, I know. I wonder how is it one day if I am away from here; in order to achieve my dream? But that is life. When I listened to Shila Amzah’s song “Masih Aku Cinta” (I Love You, Still) last Friday night, I became so overwhelmed. That is exactly how my feeling speaks if one day I am away from Malaysia to further study abroad (God’s Willing!). It is complex; it is unfathomable. So, I resort to what I am good at when I don’t know how to siphon my emotion – that is writing.
So, I wrote on my Facebook status, dated 15 November 2014 at 12.09 a.m. :-
“If one day I go away from here, I will never forget the kindness you have shown me. Sometimes, I am so overwhelmed with your thoughtfulness although my mouth could be so razor-sharp. You deserve to be happier; you have the rights to be happier; you can be happier – but you have chosen this road with me; you have chosen to be with me as I am trying to achieve my dreams. I don’t know whether I deserve such a kind person. I don’t know why I get so emotional tonight. Maybe with my Tonsils gone bloody and I am in my lowest state of health, you never desert me, always call me to know my health with your softest voice although you are a rough person by nature. My tears falling endlessly when I hear Shila Amzah’s song. This song means a lot if one day I am away to achieve my dreams. I won’t forget you and your kindness.
“Kau kan temui bahagia
Walaupun aku tidak bersama
Jangan kau gusar
Aku akan selalu ada
Dari jauh engkau masih ku cinta
Dari jauh aku masih mencinta…….”
I guess this is just me being emotional due to my lowest state of health. But it is so touching to have someone who always takes extra miles of effort to acknowledge to you that you are appreciated and precious to the person……………………… Don’t worry, I am always here with you. That is my promise. I never regret getting to know you. The way you call my name with your softest voice although you are a rough person by nature; it is all very apt with Shila Amzah’s song lyrics. Such a best thing that ever happened to me. Whatever may come, I pray for your happiness. Always. Amin.