Finally, the knots in the relationship for past 2 weeks is untangled today. After 2 weeks of restless questions; after 2 weeks of cold shoulders; after 2 weeks of wondering and wandering; finally the reasons unraveled today.
I was being quite stoic about this until yesterday when I watched “Anugerah Juara Lagu” after the longest time (I was anticipating Shila Amzah’s “Masih Aku Cinta”), I happened to reread back what I’ve wrote in my blog dated 16th November 2014; which coincided with the song “Masih Aku Cinta” by Shila Amzah at https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2014/11/16/the-beat-of-my-heart-in-alphabets-a-halo/. It struck me that how throughout these 5 years, I have been shown with utmost kindness and love. Will it do justice if I were to let it go just like that; simply due to arrogance? I am always someone who appreciate those who appreciate me; and with that kind of love? I shouldn’t be doing that. So, today; I have decided to bend my ego again and tried to reach……….but after a nap; I saw a heart-wrenching SMS.
Automatically, I called. There were tears and sobbing involved. Sometimes circumstances are complex. But I won’t back off. When people shut their doors at my face; you were there. When I was residing under that wooden-house-with-bats-on-the-upper-roof; you assisted me. When I had no means of transportation but a mere motorcycle, you chauffeured me. When I had problems with my housing loan, you took initiative to call the office. You did the extra miles that nobody ever willing to do to me, beyond the besotted affiliation of my facade and sexual attraction. You have the sincere heart. So, how could I leave you when you are struggling in the abyss now?
When I was crawling in 2010 picking up my shattered pieces, you were there. When I am climbing the ladder of life, you were there. How can I desert you and leave you alone to face the hurdles alone? I can be razor-mouthed and tantrum-thrower but I appreciate the one who appreciate me the most.
You shielded me once; now is my turn to shield you. We will figure out the solutions to your illness, anxiety & problems. Don’t worry, I am always here. – God, please take good care of that heart for me (Tuhan, Jaga Dia Untukku).
“Yang mengenal mu cuma aku
Tidak ku menyesal mencintaimu…..”