My problem is that I think a lot and I am extra sensitive. It hurts when someone friendly of whom you feel like you have bond is suddenly being so cold. Perhaps it was only you who regarded the friendship as genuine whereas the other parties only feel that it is a merry-weather.
But I guess that is life. As time goes by, people have other interests and other things they like to focus on. Perhaps they feel you are a bad association that will leave stain in their holy affiliations; perhaps they feel you are no more appealing to them; perhaps they feel by distancing from you, they are protecting themselves.
I am good in reading between the lines. I digest people’s spontaneous actions. I don’t know why I am so overwhelmed by this. My heart is beating with anger and melancholy; my head is throbbing; my fingers are shivering because I was trying to suppress the anger and shocked.
Suddenly I feel that whatever attempts and salvation I did before this to save the friendship are meaningless. Sounds dramatic but I feel like crying. I wish I could just speak my mind blatantly but I have discovered that sometimes through that way, people grow uncomfortable. So, I resort to writing in my blog.
Perhaps it is time for me to move out from my naive cocoon. If people think I am just a thorn in their circle of affiliations that will jeopardize their holy purity, maybe I should be the one distancing myself. Sometimes, some people are meant to become a brief encounter in our life.
Only when we are in a different strata of life or when we die that we would be reminisced. But in the meantime, perhaps I should be with whom I should be. Let the “holier-than-thou” safeguarding their affiliations. As for me, speculated to be disdained with dark blots, I would flourish amongst the shades of grey, like I should.
Shahrill Ramli, 21th April 2015.
Blog is the place where I transcribe my life journey. Since 2005 from the Friendster; and then transferred to WordPress in 2007 which was much initiated by my sister during my AFFIN banking years; until now. I don’t put advertisement or Nuffnang to generate any income as so far, I have no interest in that. I write for my own salvation and sanity.
I had an intense night last night. What begun from passionate intimacy turned sour. At this juncture, I am feeling a bit somber and down. I felt and still feeling mixture of angry and disappointment.
I love Angie’s spirit.
But I can’t waste time getting indulged in this. There are other focuses in my life I have to put my attention towards.
Her 1st appearance after the ovaries surgery at Kids’ Choice Awards. She said – “being different is good.” That’s why I adore her. We think alike.
Seeing Angelina Jolie a.k.a. Angie’s inspirational strength to overcome the fatal cancer humbled me. I am always drawn to her brave spirit. I guess that is because we are both Gemini and we share a few bizarre fetishes which make me feel related to her. To think back, I am not having any fatal illness, just yet like Angie. I am just having some personal problem which are far too microscopic in comparison to hers. So, what’s my somber feeling to what she is experiencing now, no?
Her 2nd cancer-preventive surgery. I have written about it in my entry https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2015/03/24/angelina-jolie-my-gemini-alter-ego-the-story-of-a-bravery-diary-of-a-surgery/
Sometimes we think we have serious problems and that is the end of the world; but actually, others are having more serious problems than us.
Like Angie’s quote :- Be brave, be bold, be free. And that is the message from me to me, Shahrill Ramli.
This is a beautiful Malay version of “God Help The Outcast” sung by Juwita Suwito. I like the lyrics. Simple yet very deep. Sometimes while leading hectic life, we tend to led astray from our piety essence. We tend to focus more on relationships with human (Hablul minan Nas) rather than relationship with God (Hablul minallah) as the central point of our lives. Like fragile human, we revert to God when we are stuck somewhere without directions.