My problem is that I think a lot and I am extra sensitive. It hurts when someone friendly of whom you feel like you have bond is suddenly being so cold. Perhaps it was only you who regarded the friendship as genuine whereas the other parties only feel that it is a merry-weather.
But I guess that is life. As time goes by, people have other interests and other things they like to focus on. Perhaps they feel you are a bad association that will leave stain in their holy affiliations; perhaps they feel you are no more appealing to them; perhaps they feel by distancing from you, they are protecting themselves.
I am good in reading between the lines. I digest people’s spontaneous actions. I don’t know why I am so overwhelmed by this. My heart is beating with anger and melancholy; my head is throbbing; my fingers are shivering because I was trying to suppress the anger and shocked.
Suddenly I feel that whatever attempts and salvation I did before this to save the friendship are meaningless. Sounds dramatic but I feel like crying. I wish I could just speak my mind blatantly but I have discovered that sometimes through that way, people grow uncomfortable. So, I resort to writing in my blog.
Perhaps it is time for me to move out from my naive cocoon. If people think I am just a thorn in their circle of affiliations that will jeopardize their holy purity, maybe I should be the one distancing myself. Sometimes, some people are meant to become a brief encounter in our life.
Only when we are in a different strata of life or when we die that we would be reminisced. But in the meantime, perhaps I should be with whom I should be. Let the “holier-than-thou” safeguarding their affiliations. As for me, speculated to be disdained with dark blots, I would flourish amongst the shades of grey, like I should.
Shahrill Ramli, 21th April 2015.