Like Anne Frank, the Jewish girl who was forced to hid herself and her family in a hidden chamber when Nazi conquered Holland for two years, I resort to writing as solace. Like Anne Frank who used diary as salvation, I also did that in those days but now with the advance technology, I use blog as my salvation valves. I turn to blog when words are hard to be uttered or when I want to avoid human’s prejudice and skeptics when my words are misunderstood.
For these past 4 days, I am unsettled with the new revelation I heard. Someone I love and respect is having a bad time of the life. Possibly an anxiety attack or depression. What happened from last year has now worsening (REFER to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/my-promise-pusat-rawatan-islam-as-syifa-bandar-baru-bangi-seksyen-15/ & https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2014/09/22/my-promise-i-am-here-to-stay/).
But the most suffocating thing is that I couldn’t do anything. I feel restless with my immobility. But we both are clueless with what really going on. I suggested for psychiatrist but I guess the Asian taboo of associating psychiatrist with mental illness somehow procrastinates that. I feel that apart from Islamic approach, a validation from psychiatrist also is needed. If things persist to be obstinate, I would have to force.
I hear your pain but I can’t protect. I feel the agony but from afar. And I can’t even see or touch or cooing; to mollify the angst in your heart. But you don’t wanna see me; till you get better you said. And that really make me even restless. Sometimes, I feel my head is about to burst, having this heavy emotion. I guess perhaps, unbeknownst to you, the demise of your only parent had inflicted bad wound to your soul. As a stoic person who rarely demonstrate emotional side, I know you have been suppressing yourself from being too overwhelmed or engulfed with the melancholic feeling.
This adds to another reason why Raya this year will be a bleak and a mundane one. Perhaps it is a pre-conceive notion that I didn’t feel like buying any new Raya attire. When people you love is crippled by wound, you feel the pain as well. But life is about being strong. We will fight this together.
You show love to person who showed you sincerity when other faceless ghosts left you when they took advantage of your naivety.
We are like a ballerina & the one legged steadfast tin soldier toys. Together, burned. This is my promise and oath. I am here to stay.