Today is my 2nd Syawal Sawm (Fasting) from the 6 days intended. Undeniably, fasting in Syawal proves to be more difficult than in Ramadhan. Not sure whether it is the weather, psychology or simply due to the Karamah (blessing) that is usually bestowed upon us in the month of Ramadhan.
I just received a positive development. Finally, someone decided to go to HUKM to have check-ups. I was flabbergasted because initially I was planning of driving there this weekend. I even called the psychiatrists’ clinics at HUKM and been asking the procedures, etc.
But all to put aside, finally; a validation from psychiatrist or health practitioner verified that an extreme case of anxiety is involved. And finally, anti-depressants also are prescribed. I am quite relieved to hear that medical approach is also taken seriously into account (after numerous attempts to persuade). As a Moslem, I believe in Islamic spiritual approach but as Science-educated person, I also believe that medical approach is also vital in combating such case. I am a firm believer in therapy, psychology and anything that is regarded as ‘innerside’ are essential to be used hand-in-hand with Islamic approach in order to engender victorious result. Of course, once a week; counselling session will be taking place to mollify the angst and anxiety.
Tentatively, I need a day-off this coming Monday (27th July 2015) to go to UPM for a discussion with a few of my coursemates and lecturer. Quite anticipating the session as it could mean a whole new opportunity for me to catapult myself in crystallizing the ambition to become a lecturer in Communication. Nevertheless, I am needed on Wednesday morning to chauffeur and to accompany – to an Islamic spiritual institution. I couldn’t apply 2 days off (my Headmistress simply won’t allow that!); so in the end, I decided not to participate the Monday session. I guess my coursemates can convey anything to me.
It is quite a dilemma. This is something that I have been looking forward. But, I guess at this juncture, I can still accommodate what’s more important. And I nearly broke down when these words are said to me via telephone :-
“I am not going to be the same anymore like I used to be. Do you still remember me?”
But I know I have to put strong facade although my voice cracked a bit. I am the pillar of strength. I have to be able to inject spirit and motivation. Insya ALLAH.
In life, you need to be strong and brave. You don’t have to lift bars or build any muscles (I am all comfortable with my androgynous petite feature) but you need to have strong spirit to fight, and to live.
I love Angie. She has fearless spirit. She influences me to be brave and strong in life. And to be dedicated.