I am so frustrated today. But you can’t be too emotional when you are liaising with sick person. A person who needs your full attention and in dire needs of sense of being loved. I have to say this left me agog and stupefied for a while. I guess in the end I have to shun this away.
This morning while I was having breakfast, I received 3 SMS pleading for me to chauffeur to Darussyifa’ as apparently, an ‘attack’ was felt as early as 3 am and it caused pain at the neck and making the head throbbed. The SMS literally begging me to leave Serendah and to Seri Kembangan-Lake Field area as early as possible. Stupefied by that, I called and told it would be impossible as I was working and I can’t simply take leave. I am a teacher and only entitled for only 7 days leave per annum and I can’t leave the school just like that – like what my office 9-5 friends can do if something urgent that needs to be attended, happens. The pleading was desperate that I thought I would do my best to go out by noon (12 pm).
Since I have two periods of class around 12 pm – 1 pm; I made arrangements with my colleague teachers – Kak Sakinah and Kak Faridah. I shifted the schedules upfront by entering their classes; and they were to cover me at 12 pm- 1 pm. It was complicated matter; and I can’t think straight. In the end just to shoosh everyone and at the same time the mission that I can cover all my classes for today before 12 pm, I agreed to monitor both 5 Pelangi and 5 Purnama consisting of more than 50 pupils in one class – for 2 HOURS!
I have no qualm on controlling classes with 50 pupils or more because I am quite a stern teacher – so, class control is what I am good at. But I pitied the pupils for having to be congested within one class. I literally asked forgiveness from 5 Purnama because of the inconvenience but they understood that. Lessons were carried out and works were given despite the odds. Thanks kids.
NONETHELESS, as I was entering the first hour, suddenly I received an SMS, casually saying that ‘all were settled as a friend has chauffeured to Darussyifa’. Whoa; that casual SMS was a mind-blowing. I have to say that it caught me with red-flame or in Bahasa Malaysia, you can dub the emotion as “sentap”. After all the attempts and efforts I have made; including negotiations with colleagues and permission from school administration (what’s more; last week I already applied a day-off exactly on Wednesday for this! REFER to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2015/07/29/my-proise-sihr-djinns-or-infeted-food-the-defense-against-the-dark-arts-pusat-persatuan-kebajikan-pengubatan-islam-malaysia-darussyifa-seksyen-1-bandar-baru-bangi/); this is what I received??!!!
I am so fueled with rage right now. I called and SMS-ed asking about the ‘status’ – now I am about to push off from school at 12 pm, will the idea to drive all the way to Serendah to Darussyifa’ still relevant? Let say if after two hours driving (with congested traffic, etc), I’ve arrived at Seri Kembangan-Lake Field and were told that ‘everything is settled’; how am I supposed to go back to Serendah in the peak of office hour at 4pm-5pm? Irregardless, I would have to go back after Maghrib prayer if I were to be there to avoid congested traffic!!! But of course, NO REPLY WHATSOEVER; until now as I am jotting down this! God, please let me be patient. Sbar.
Part of my emotional alter-ego is so enraged; bu another part of my rational alter-ego tells me that when a needy person that is sick, I have to be patient. That is the key. I don’t know. Part of me wanting to be the best for you and be with you whenever you need because when I was in dire need, you made efforts to be my savior. Part of me asking myself to be patient and shun off the frustration. But part of me is hurt. I don’t know. Blog is the only way to keep me sane. I never liked Siti Nurhaliza’s song “Terbaik Bagimu” (The Best For You) because of its mundane melody – but the lyrics speak what I feel now. The dilemma :-
I guess this is a lesson in my life so that I will exercise patience. I can only do the best I can although I would never be the best. In that case, I won’t feel any qualm because – I have done my part.
Rasaku kamu ada
di setiap sedih dan juga senangku
rasanya kamu sudah menjadi bintang
Masih kurang rasaku
ingin aku jadi terbaik bagimu
Masih kurangkah aku
mahu aku mengganti setiap
sukar mu dengan tenang
Rasaku kamu ada
di saat senyum juga tangisku
Rasanya Kamu sudah jadi yang
terbaik bagi aku.
NOTIFICATION UPDATE :-
Being me, I am not the person who suppress dissatisfaction. So, I called for the umpteenth times and finally was answered. I can’t embed that negative energy inside. I decided to be honest and transparent in what I felt about this morning. Alhamdulillah, everything was received in open heart. And apparently, this morning session managed to mollify the pain endured. Initially, I was hesitated but I believe we are both adult and able to accept each other’s opinions. So I spoke up and Alhamdulillah.
I guess in a way it is good to illustrate the fact that during weekdays, it would be mostly impossible for me to leave my work to cater for the needs, 49 kilometres apart. On contrary during weekends, I could give my all. By setting that, we both finally found a fine line of truce. Alhamdulillah.