As I am typing this, I am at Nexus Resort and Spa Karambunai, Tuaran. I have been having my year-end relaxation from The East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia (Kelantan & Terengganu) to the East Malaysia (Sabah). I think I deserve this pampered sloth trip after being such a hardworking darling. It is my way of appreciating myself. Anyway, today is 29th December 2023 and in another 3 days, I will be a legit 40 years old! Gasp! Initially, it wasn’t a big deal for me but lately I just realized that it is actually a gateway of a whole new decade for me – and I should be mentally prepared for that as for me, a strong mind is the most paramount asset of a human being.
Alhamdulillah. Didn’t expect this due to university’s usual technical timing technicality. But it is by the will of ALLAH SWT.
Retrospectively, it has been such a colourful 2023 for me. I dubbed 2023 as The Year of Milestones in my birthday entry (REFER to https://undomiel84.wordpress.com/2023/06/05/2023-a-yearrrrr-of-milestones-the-age-of-39-years-old-virtues-viva-ventures/) and I was definitely right! Definitely, the icing of 2023 was my PhD graduation! My journey has been drenched and plagued (Haha!) with so many untold and cannot-be-told behind the scenes stories. You can simply clicked the tag “Road to PhD” in my blog to read my journey and of course all the breadcrumbs and Easter Eggs I have had left for all those who are good in reading between the lines! All I can say- “phew, Alhamdulillah, Praise The Almighty!” Nevertheless, I still could not believe that I’ve passed my viva and UPM senate has endorsed my thesis. Well, I still owe UPM my hardbound thesis and I think I shall get it submitted prior to February as I was dealing with horrible toothache at the beginning of this year-end school holidays which previously was meant for me to focus on the softbound of the thesis, etc.
Another Alhamdulillah. Second time performing umrah. After 9 years, I was back in the Haramain, again. For a marhaen like me – this was precious.
Next, I also had the chance to perform Umrah for the second time! Like I said, this umrah was like me humbling myself towards His Calls for throughout my PhD journey, I have discovered that ALLAH SWT has never left me when others simply ignored and deserted me – they only came thronging when I wear that PhD bonnet / regalia. True story, I ain’t gonna lie. I see many long-lost familiar faces and media social profiles suddenly “showing interest” on my daily updates whereas all these while, I wasn’t an interesting specimen! Haha! Well, one thing about me is that I NOTICE EVERY SINGLE PERSON who makes effort to connect with me – and who don’t. So as I am getting older (and wiser), I am reducing my circle and those who I feel don’t like sincerely or have no genuine affection – I would just discard and distance myself away. In a very professional and cultured way, unlike during my USM days of course. Haha! But anyway, Alhamdulillah it was a wonderful journey on whole and like I wrote in the entry before – this time ALLAH SWT lavished me with comfortable physical logistics – hotels, food, accommodations, etc – BUT I was tested inside on how to control my Sabr and my razor-mouth from my usual snapping when I faced strangers’ judgmental statements or sarcastic smirks. But everything was educational for me and well, ALLAH SWT is the Most Knower of all.
My letter on Michelle Yeoh dated 18th March 2023.
My letter dated 9th December 2023 on depression.
Apart from that, this year I have written only two letters to The Star (I have been making this as personal annual KPI for the last two years! Haha!) and of course I recorded these in my SPKLM via my colleague Teacher Halina Nasir :-
- On 18th March 2023 – about Michelle Yeoh and her Malaysian/ Asian root winning the Oscar at https://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2023/03/18/take-the-cue-from-michelle;
- On 9th December 2023 – about depression and I relate my own depression experience at https://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2023/12/09/sharing-the-experience-of-and-ways-to-deal-with-depression (and it is the first time I am using the official prefix Dr. in front of my name!) – Well, I am not obsessed with the “title” of course but in official address, I will go with the flow. After all, Malaysia ranks as the highest scorer in the Hofstede’s Power Distance index, don’t you know?
As for the books I have read throughout 2023; I only managed to read 2 books! That is considerably abysmal record and I am quite ashamed to admit it! Perhaps due to the focus on PhD? And well, since I am still in the process of reading “Heart of the Sun Warrior”, I definitely cannot count that in, too. Actually, I love to “savour” the moment of the contents and not to be rushed just to finish it. I like taking time and procrastinate. Under the hashtag #WhatShahrillReads, I could trace the names of the books from my media social sharing :-
- “Rapid Fire Rafidah” by Tan Sri Dato’ Seri Rafidah binti Aziz;
- “Daughter of the Moon Goddess” by Sue Lynn Tan
And also I guess the highlight of this year is that I have finally met this person after three years of getting acquainted. It is unconventional but I felt connected the first time I interacted with this person. Definitely both in awe with the enigmatic charisma and cannot deny that animalistic naughtiness inside me, as well. Haha! But I regard this person as somehow a saviour that have kept me away from being drifted too far in the sea of hedonism. Like a thirsty Rumi seeking for a guide in a topsy-turvy life, this person came to me like Rumi’s Shams Tabrizi. But of course, I am also being realistic. Being a childlike with all these utopian metaphorical wants and fantasies, I am also very much a person whose feet still on the ground. I express myself well in English ramblings or poems. And I don’t know – perhaps it was because of spiritual enlightenment I got from the Haramain (my umrah), I am no more feeling klutzy or fuelled with volatile emotion. I am OK if suddenly the person decides not to be in good term with me anymore – being nonchalant. Of course being the childlike me, I will be sad but after umrah, I have come to realize that humans are fickle-minded with ephemeral presence. The hearts often change. And we humans cannot control other humans. Being obsessive will only backfire us, no? So just take it slowly. And pray. Who knows 2024 will lead to somebody or new life? Well, life is mysterious.
On whole, 2023 has been an interesting year for me. ALLAH SWT also has been kind towards me. I can only express my Syukr. Alhamdulillah for everything. From Dr. Shahrill Ramli to Shahrill Ramli.